I can't believe it happened again!

Okay. So some of you may know that on Oct. 16th the credit union at which I work was robbed. I was the o-so-lucky teller that had the gun pulled on me and was "asked" to put all the money in his dirty little grocery bag (see full account on Brain Vomit). Well, luck must be with me because it happened again. Yesterday, Dec. 8th, at 2:45 pm. Same guy, same gun, same dirty little bag. I haven't processed enough to even get my words out in some compelling personal essay. Right now I am angry, upset, emotional, and in denial. I mean I am dreaming, right? Not twice in less than two months? Can someone wake me up from this nightmare? Anyway... maybe soon I'll be able to dissect my feelings but, for now, I am just existing. I guess, for anyone that prays, please pray for me. I need some extra help trying to remember that God doesn't hate me.

P.S. And if you are having an itch to tell me something about "learning a lesson" or "others have it worse" please don't. I couldn't handle it right now. Maybe later.

Introducing Brain Vomit

I thought I might take a moment and introduce BRAIN VOMIT... the stuff that floats around in my head. It's the link you may have noticed at the top of our page. I've had some questions so I thought I would share some answers. This is a page where I have been posting my writings... mostly personal essays and poems. All my personal essays are true experiences. I have found that in story telling it is easier for me to write based on my past rather than on any fiction I could dream up. (I would love to write creative stories someday but I seem to be in a perpetual writer's block when it comes to fantasy... that or everything I write turns into romance porn... aka Nora Roberts style. Just ask Erin.)

Anyway, BRAIN VOMIT is not for the weak at heart or for anyone who would like to maintain a positive opinion of me. Nothing rated R, but it is my raw emotion... my heart bleeding on paper. Some stuff you may know and the other I haven't really shared... But recently I have felt the need (almost compulsion) to write it down. Like that one song...

"2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, its no longer
Inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to"

I have labels active if you want to sort by type. The essays are fairly recent, one written while I was at college and the other just a month or so ago. The poems span more time. A couple from high school, some from college, others post-college. Eventually I'm hoping to post creative pieces as well as some talks I've written. We'll see.

I ALWAYS encourage feedback. I would love to know how to make the essays more engaging or how to improve on the poetry. So PLEASE feel free to comment. But don't feel like you have to. You can always pretend you never read anything, hehe.

And again, if you want to see me as all hearts and roses, I wouldn't go there. If you don't want to know what I'm really thinking, just stay right where you are on Forever Sweethearts. Otherwise enjoy... and if you come across something that stings, please don't judge.

Love you!

A Letter to My Josser

Happy birthday, dear Josser. You turn 1 tomorrow. I am writing this letter tonight because I know I won't have a chance tomorrow. I also realize you are a dog, but at this point, you are also my only child. And while you can't take the place of real children, you do help fill that void in my heart. You have been quite the puppy for us! I always swore I would never have a pet, let alone a big inside dog. I always thought those people were crazy. But then you walked into my credit union and I couldn't resist your grey eyes and the way you cocked your head to the side when you looked at me. You were adorable! I loved your lazy sit and the too-big paws. I should have known you would grow into them!!! 68lbs now and you are still quite the dog. We have had our ups and downs with you. Today I could have sold you to gypsies with all your barking and crazy running around. But really I couldn't... because I love you. And I love those little moments in the morning when you cuddle with me in bed, or at night how you curl up with me to watch a final movie, sending us both off to sleep. I love that you know when I'm sick or when I feel bad. You just stay by my side--unmoving--lending me heat, or comfort, or whatever else I need. I love the way you wait for "daddy" to come home from work and how excited you get when he does. I love how you run after ice cubes and hide under the bed. You are so precious and loving, even if you are as big as a horse (well not quite yet). I am sorry more people don't love you like we do. That they judge you because they are biased against your breed. We are so grateful for the friends and family who have accepted you. For the mommies who aren't afraid to let you lick their toddlers. It means a lot to your Dad and I... and, if you understood, I think it would mean a lot to you too. Thanks, sweet puppy, for having the courage to be you... and for loving us just the way we are. We hope to be better doggy-parents. We'll try. We love and wish you the very best on this very special day. Happy birthday, my Josser. We love you.

Learning New Stuff

Holy crap! I didn't realize that lurking just beyond the boundaries of my normal Internet/computer life was a whole world of digital scrapbooking. CRAZY! It's just as popular as regular scrapbooking except it all takes place on the computer. You can shop at stores, buy paper, find accessories, and build a million different pages with all the supplies. I have spent the last few days downloading all the freebies I could find. This started with a desire to learn how to design my own unique blog background. I found a great tutorial at http://thecutestblogontheblock.com/ under "Blog Secrets." I have had a blast learning new things and designing my own page. I also took it a little further and designed my own header. I am so excited about how the project turned out! And I am interested in learning more about the secret world (or not so secret world) of digital scrapbooking. I don't know if it will ever replace my stamps & paper, but it will definitely give me some more avenues to explore. hehe!

Friends

I was just thinking about friends just now. So many come and go throughout our lives. Some are brief and thought of only when we reminisce the past. Others we meet and, while they may move away, they are forever in our thoughts and in our hearts. Many I have that I may not see for a long time but when we do get together, its like we've never been apart. And then there are those friends who are with us for a lifetime. I am so grateful for the friends we have, for the way in which I can keep in touch through blogging, emails and parties. I am so blessed to have so many friends so close to us. To have so much support and help when we need it most. Sometimes I may take you for granted and I am sorry I haven't said "thank you" more often, so THANK YOU! You are amazing. You are appreciated. You are loved dearly by both Joe and myself. Whether through blogging or heavy lifting, I have felt your gift of friendship and I want you to know that you have blessed my life. And while I may not be so good at calling or stopping by, please know I am always thinking about you and sending out a prayer that all is well with you and your family. Love you...

Halloween Party!

(Click on the picture for a larger view.)

Everyone is invited! Please pass the word around! Note that costumes are encouraged, kids are welcome, come whenever you can for as long as you can, and bring a snack to share. Thanks!!!

Yard Pictures

Okay. So here is the front of our house. You can see where the "sidewalk" trenches start. There was another trench in the middle that I closed up on Day 1.


Here are the "sidewalk" trenches that run to the other end of the property, which butts up right against our neighbors driveway in the distance.


And this is our side yard. While the back may be totally tiny, the side of the house has plenty of room to run.


Here is the tiny back yard I was talking about. But I don't mind. It'll make for a quaint sitting area with lots of gardens and trees. I'm leaving the side yard open for play.


This one just goes to show how amazing my mom is at filling in the trenches! You wouldn't know there had been a trench here except for her litte foot prints.


And last but not least, just a fun little picture of a completed head. Kinda makes me feel like the "man on the moon" flag seeing as how installing a sprinkler system was just as obtainable to me as flying to the moon. "One small step for women, one giant leap for Deborahann." And all that jazz.

Happy Birthday Grandpa

It was my Grandpa Porter's birthday this week. I have no idea how old he is... only that he is not a day older than my first memory of him. Isn't that funny? It seems to me that people don't age. Gma Porter is still 58, my mother is still in her 40's and by golly there is no way I am more than 24! lol

Anyway, back to Grandpa. He is the most wonderful man I have known. He is soft spoken and has a dangerous sense of humor. Always ready with a joke and very fast on his feet. My favorite memories are of he and I sitting on the white couch (was it vinyl?) in his quaint TV room in San Diego, California. We didn't say much. We didn't need to. I just loved to sit with him and drink in the peace his presence provided. I needed his love and acceptance and he gave both freely. Still does. He was always more than just my Grandpa. He was my grandfather, my father, my confidant, my anchor during my turbulent years, my rock, and my friend. He was and is the man I can always trust... the man I can always turn to... the man I always had when no one else was there.

Dear Grandpapa,

How I love you! I hope you will always hold close the memories of you and I together. Our little chats and our endless cuddles. I hope you loved, as much as I did, the summers I came to stay searching for peace and quiet in the safe harbor of your presence. You saved me, Grandpa. You held me together as I struggled through life without a father. You taught me by example about love, faith, prayer, sacrifice, trust and family. You were the only one I have every felt safe with in the ocean. I know that sounds silly. But I am terrified of the ocean--more specifically the water and the sharks I just know are waiting to eat me. It was interesting, that day at the beach. The first time I had been in the water without feeling terror. The first time I knew I trusted you. And I have never stopped. I didn't know I could trust anyone but myself before that.

Thank you, also, my wonderful Grandpapa, for giving me a way to find happiness in marriage. I didn't think it was possible. Not for me anyway. Wasn't I destined to be single and alone? You promised there was someone special for me. That I was a good person. And now I have Joe! And you know what I have discovered? I ended up marrying a man just like you. And I am SO glad. Thanks for being you and, again, for loving the likes of me. I love you with all of my heart and soul and wish you the happiest of birthdays.

Love always,

Your Little Debbie

Yard: Day 3

Wow! My fingers are so cold I almost can't type! It is freezing out there! Despite the cold, it was a good end to day 3 in the yard. We completed the line from last night and then started and finished an additional night tonight. Joe was able to take a small break from his 24x7 work project (Zions is a cuss word in my house) to help us in the yard. He and Jesse dug the huge holes for the valve boxes while Jon and I ran lines. I think I'm gonna owe Jesse and Amber Lawson more than just a night on the town. Jesse for being the muscle behind the install and Amber for letting me steal Jesse so many nights (like all of them) this week. Thanks you guys!

Tomorrow I am hoping to dig the hole beneath the sidewalk and finish the front two lines. It would be an extra special bonus if I could get everything connected at the valve boxes and a test done. Here's to wishful thinking! I think I'm gonna go run my fingers under some warm water to help them thaw out. lol

P.S. I did take pictures this morning! Give me a sec and I'll have them online. :)

Yard: Day 2

Day two went well even though I only had 1 hour to actually work. I decided today to push sod delivery back one more week. I was assured it would be okay by a professional landscaper (and this one really IS a professional landscaper). I am glad I did. There is no way the complete system would be installed by Friday. We completed and half buried a second line tonight. I was excited about that. We also prepped two other lines for sprinkler heads. I'll just keep plugging along... and maybe, if I remember, I'll even take pictures!

Unspectacular Quirks

I was tagged by Erin.

Rules:
1. List the person who tagged you
2. Mention the rules on your blog
3. Tell 6 unspectacular quirks of yours
4. Tag 6 fellow bloggers

Unspectacular Quirk #1. I clean when I am upset (or at someone else's house). Joe always knows when he has made me REALLY mad when I start cleaning the house. I think it is something to keep my hands occupied (rather than popping him upside the head). If I'm at your house and helping you clean, no worries. I like to do that! If you're at my house and I go into crazy cleaning frenzy, it is time to duck and cover.

Unspectacular Quirk #2. I hate doing my hair. Absolutely HATE it! That is why you always see me in pig tails (when short), a pony tail (mid-length) or braids (when long). I love it flat ironed and looking all pretty, but I just can't bring myself to spend the time when I could be sleeping!

Unspectacular Quirk #3. I like falling asleep to Fantasia or Fantasia 2000. I have a little portable DVD player sitting on my nightstand. Every night, after Joe tucks me in, he turns on my movie so I can fall asleep. I don't usually make it past the first number (unless I jump ahead before putting my head on my pillow), but I know when he turns it off!

Unspectacular Quirk #4. My brain never shuts off (which is probably why I developed Quirk #3). I can't not think about stuff. At night, in the morning, while I'm driving. My brain is constantly going 1 million miles per hour. This morning at 5am I was thinking about my sprinklers and the most efficient way I could install the remaining systems, which led me to thinking about installing a fence in the next few years, which led me to mentally move some of my sprinkler heads to accommodate for the future fence and perhaps a flower bed on the north side of the lawn. I almost had myself dressed and out the door to start digging when Joe told me to get back in bed. I couldn't fall back asleep because of my energizer-brain so instead I spent the next 2 hours contemplating sprinklers, work, life, kids, puppies, and more.

Unspectacular Quirk #5. I LOVE making charts & lists. Anything that I can make "pretty" in Word or Excel. Chore charts, gift charts, shopping lists, to-dos, birthday lists, "ways to improve myself," etc. Anything that can be stuffed into a chart or a list, I am there. Need a list or a chart or a spreadsheet? Call me! I would LOVE to help!

Unspectacular Quirk #6. I like to move. I would almost say I need to move. It used to be every year I'd get the itch, but since I married Joe he has stretched me to two. He's working at making it longer. But seriously, every few years I have this burning need to pack everything up and go somewhere new. So far it's just been different homes in Davis County. But I would seriously love to move outta state and even out of the country! I think I was a gypsy in a previous life!

I tag Marla Burns, Amy Lund, Daisy Reyes, Naomi Wolf, Brenda Smith, and Suzanne Smith. Maybe this will help Suzanne actually blog! hehe

Yard: Day 1

Holy crap! I left work early yesterday hoping to pound out the whole sprinkler installation thing and boy was I in for a rude awakening! I worked from about 4-730pm (when I couldn't see anymore) and completed one whole line (out of 7). Bless Jesse's heart! If he hadn't come to help me I think I would have gotten one head of one line done. Installing takes so much more time than I had anticipated. Everything looks quick on paper, but takes a heck of a lot more time in real life. I changed and ate by 8pm and was fast asleep (according to Joe) by 830. I couldn't keep my eyes open! I woke up at 5:15 this morning and stayed that way until I finally decided to shower at 7am. I contemplated heading back out to the yard (by light of the porch) but Joe forbade me. I really think I could have started digging the trench for the green line (aka flowerbeds). Oh well. Guess I'll have to wait for after work.

I have definitely learned a few things in my first day. One... if you are going to hire out the trenching, make sure your "landscaper" knows what they are doing. Two... even if you think they know what they are doing, take the time to mark your trench lines. That way there is no question as to where you want things. I didn't realize the horrible job they did trenching until it came to installing. The trenches are no where near my sprinkler heads so I am spending a whole lot of unnecessary time making extra trenches where I need them and backfilling the ones I don't need. I'm still farther ahead than where I would have been without hiring out the trenching, but I could be a lot farther if I had hired someone who knew what they were doing or if I had marked the trenches for them. Pero que va hacer? What can you do?

Anyway, this evening will be day 2. I am hoping to get the blue line run, valve boxes in place, and create a path under the sidewalk. At this rate I should be done by Christmas. lol. I really hope I can talk my boss into letting leave early on Thursday and Friday seeing as how I have sod coming on Friday and I can't afford to push it back any farther (due to weather). I guess there is a third lesson in this... don't wait until the last minute to install the sprinklers! I should have had the plans drawn up in early spring and all the trenching done during the summer. Install should have taken place in early September so we could have laid sod as planned the first Saturday in October. But shoulda, woulda, coulda.... I guess I just move forward with what I have to work with, right? If I make it through this week it will be a miracle!!!

Never Ending Yard

As I caught up on every one's blogs today I realized I am SUPER horrible at maintaining my own. Mostly I blame it on the lack of adorable kids. But it is probably more due to the fact that I live an entirely boring life. So I am SO glad I can live vicariously through your blogs! hehe. Besides being boring I have spent a lot of time planning and stressing over getting our yard ready for sod. The summer wasn't the friend I had hoped for with its too-hot-days and fun-filled nights. And early fall has zoomed past me. Now I'm into the second week of October and still trying to figure out how to install a sprinkling system. New things always stress me out because I feel like I should be able to get it right (which in my mind means perfect) the first time around. I had planned to get everything in the ground on Saturday so I could have a week of testing lines and raking dirt so all would be ready for sod next week. But no such luck. I swear someone hates me. I was up at 730 am prepping for every one's arrival when the drizzle started. It wasn't too long before my sweater was drenched and I had more mud on my shoes than in my shovel. Needless to say I am still waiting for my swamp to drain so I can install. My hope is for sun enough tomorrow that I can get things in and the ground closed up.

Even though my tears of frustration could equal our last storm, the whole process has been an interesting experience and I actually feel like I could do it again. Next time at least I'll have an inkling of what I should be doing and when. Anyway. Pictures will follow. I wish I would have snapped some when the weeds were waist high! Oh well : ) I'll grab some of the open ground and then next week after the sod is in. All in all, the never ending yard project (though a subject of much stress in our home) has been a fun and interesting learning experience.

Need Your Feedback

So I'm already on to my next business idea. Something that I'm passionate about (not just willing to do). I'm kicking around the thought of opening "Rock-A-Bye Nurseries," interior design focused on the baby's room. I'm not a certified interior designer... I just kind of have a knack for baby rooms. I'm thinking I would present myself as a project manager for do-it-yourself-ers. I really enjoyed helping Suzanne, Erin and Brenda paint their nurseries. And I even made all the bedding and curtains for Erin's baby.

Basically, I would help the expectant parents decide on a fabric scheme (whether a pre-done bedding set or I can make one from scratch) and then choose coordinating colors for paint and furniture. I would be there to set up a time line and ensure everything happens. (How many of us start a project and then never finish, right?) My involvement would be based on the client's needs. I could just be hired to help choose all the components and setup a timeline or I could also teach the clients how to do it themselves (ie. painting assistance and tips). For those that don't have the time or desire to do-it-themselves, I would do everything, start to finish. But always with the client's feedback and based on their ideas. I don't want to swoop in and be like "here is MY idea for your baby's room and this is how it is going to be." I think there is more satisfaction for them at the end of the project when they can look at the room and say "I chose that fabric or that chair or that color." I want it to feel like theirs.

I guess the basic idea is that there would be levels of assistance, depending on the client's needs and budget. My services would include: planning, shopping/coordinating assistance, painting, sewing, space planning, and room organization. The more you want me to do, the more it would cost.

My explanation is probably clear as mud, but... like I said... I'm still kicking it around in my head. I would appreciate any feedback you would have. Is this a workable idea? Do think there is a market for this type of business? How much would you expect to pay? What income bracket would I be marketing to? Or anything else you might think of.

Thanks for your help! (and be honest, pretty please... maybe not brutally like "this is the dumbest idea I've ever heard." More like, "I don't know if that would be feasible." etc.)

Very Dry Update

Everyone has been bugging me about getting an update, so here I am. I find that my life is pretty boring (at least to me) so I don't really think about putting new stuff on our blog. Josser just had his 9 month birthday and is nearing 70 lbs. I swear he thinks he's a miniature, though! He is always jumping on me and trying to sit in my lap where ever I am. Good times : )

Foster care is moving slowly. We are trying to prep our house for future teenagers and with working so much we haven't' had time to finish the necessary tasks.

We finally decided to close our business, Aktor Consulting. Joe and I were working the equivalent of 2 full-time jobs each and we are officially burnt out. That was sad. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a perfectionist and realizing I have failed to keep my company alive was a hard hit. Pero que va hacer? What can you do?

Anyway, there it is! I'll try and think up something better soon. (A little more upbeat and cheery.)

California: The End

Okay. So that was our trip to California. Thanks for having patience with all the posts. A shout out goes to Chay (Joe's cousin) who introduced me to Slide.com for the cool slide shows. I LOVE them!

Disney Land really is magical. Some how all your worries are left at the gate and for one brief moment in time, you can relax and be a kid again. It's okay to ride Peter Pan or Mr. Toad's Wild Ride without having any children in tow. It's okay to swing through Tarzan's tree house and duck in the caverns of the Indian Jones ride. And yes, you can even cat-call to lonely flowers on pogo sticks. What the heck! It's Disney Land (and I promise they'll wink back!)

California: Jeopardy Daily Double

Name the person featured in the picture below...

The correct answer is... Who is Kelly Nielsen wearing green tights?

California: Disney Dreams Parade

I love this parade! I thought I would tire of it but everytime we go it feels magical. We always sit down on the back side of the castle on the path to the Matahorn. Serious, the characters get rockin' awesome close! And it is so fun to see them interact with the kids in the family.

Side note: the rhino from Lion King got so close he scared the pee right out of Sarah... literally! Jiff was the excited recipient of that gift, hehe. Bless her heart! Let's just say she now has blackmail for Sarah when she gets older!

California: Pixar Parade

Watch out!!! You will get wet!!! This parade takes place in Disney's California Adventure. It was short, but fun. Perfect for fidgety little ones. I love that the floats and characters get so close! Best is to get there about 1 hr in advance so you can get super good seats.

California: The People

Okay. So here is my first go at a slide show. This one is all about people. I had so many pictures I didn't want some endless stream of visual vomit. I really like the slide show, so I hope you do too!

Happy Anniversary!!!

June 7, 2008 marked 7 years that Joe and I have been married. Wow! Didn't see that coming. Hehe. It was a wonderful day spent doing nothing more than being together. I can't seem to get enough of the guy! It is fun to still feel like newly weds... exciting to hold hands and still wonderful to wake up the next morning with him by my side. I hope that never grows old. We laughed as we thought about anniversaries to come. We decided we have to live until we are about 121/22 years old so we can celebrate our 80th wedding anniversary together. Good times!

WOW!!! Flowers

I'm taking a little break from California. I have a million more pictures, but I want to put them in a slide show and I am not sure how to do that yet. So instead, let me catch up on a few other things! Joe randomly bought me flowers awhile back. They were gorgeous!!! I loved them. A fresh spring boquet from The Window Box in Layton.

Joe, I really do love them... even now that they are dead and gone. It was such a sweet thought and for no reason other than you love me (and knew I was having a rough day). Well, I love and appreciate so much the flowers!

And don't notice that some of the flowers are wilted. I didn't think about taking a picture until I had almost killed it!

California: Us

And, of course you know us. I loved being in sunny Cali with the love of my life. He is so much fun and the anchor in the storm I call my life. Oh, and he is right sexy (said with scottish accent)!

California: Jake & Nat Burns Family

Jake and Nattalie are one in a million! They are so much fun to hang out with and have been such a support to us. First with my concerns regarding infertility and then we our desire to adopt via foster care. They are awesome!!! The little one is their son, Cooper. He is their little miracle baby after they had submitted papers to adopt. And SO adorable!!! He has the bestest smile in the whole world. When he smiles, it is like the sun becomes brighter (no jokes... try it sometime!).

California: Jimmy & Marla Burns Family

Jimmy is Joe's older brother. He and Marla have been great friends of ours since I first met Joe 7 years ago. They've helped us through many a tough time.

Jimmy [Upper-left]
A HUGE sports nut! Also has the kindest heart. He may look gruff, but he is a squeeshy teddy bear.

Ashley and Sarah [Upper-right]
Ash in white and Sarah in pink. Both girls have endless energy and can sleep like the dead. Ashley loves dancing and Sarah is really good at sports.

Charlie [Lower-left]
He was born all boy! I uses his Dad's tools, climbs ladders in a blink of an eye, and can fix anything (or he thinks he can). The best is when he smiles!

Marla [Lower-right]
She is an avid runner and just completed a marathon! (Or maybe it was a 1/2 marathon?). Anyway, she is amazing! She set her goal and went for it. I love that about her... and she is an incredible mom! Rarralicious!

California: Dupape Family

Jiff (Jenifer... don't ask me about the nickname. I have no idea) and Harry were ever alusive! I have tons of their backs and sides, but no good ones of them together. So, if either of you see this, send me a better pic so I can update this blog. The following are their kids... our nieces and nephews from Washington. We were so excited they came!

Hot Lava: Ian

You'll note how much he has grown since the photos in an earlier blog. He is now a champion wrestler and a heart throb with the ladies. He'll be here in July, so let me know if you want to set him up with someone cute!

The Sexy Sisters: Lindsay & Taylor

Little hotties! They are so much fun to be around! They, too, will be here in July, but hands off! They aren't even sixteen yet!

Never a Dull Moment: Ryan

Ryan is always ready to joke and have fun! He was so great to be around and sparked many an interesting conversation!

Oh So Cute: Little Malorie

I am sure she wouldn't want me calling her little Mal. When I first met her she was only a toddler was super quiet. Now, almost a young woman, she has so much to say!

California: Random

The rest of the trip was just a series of trips to Disney Land, which really is the happiest place on earth! We spent lots of time together and a part. Joe and I took a few moments here and there to be alone. But mostly, we were one HUGE family. Even Jiff and Harry (Joe's eldest sister and husband) brought the kids down from Washinton. It was great having everyone together and spending much needed time with our nieces and nephews. My next few posts are just going to be a million pictures of everyone. I'll try and let you know who is who as we go...

Tram pictures are always fun! I love snapping a few shots as we race through the backlot, which is also a wind tunnel.

I also love getting close ups of people holding hands. I think it is so special. This is one of Grandpa Burns (a.k.a. Dad) holding little Sarah's hand. I love all that it represents about love and generations... you know... the gushy girl stuff. Anyway...

California: Charlie's Scare

On our second day in Cali we attended the Orange County Swap Meet... another Burns' family tradition. We bought some great shirts for Joe and a swim suit for me, which turned out to be a flop when I finally tried it on at the hotel. (Joe... are you paying attention... you were right. I should have waited. Chalk that one up to stupid tax!)

All went well that day. It was nice and relaxing until late that night. Charlie woke up around 12:30 am crying because he had a fever and had thrown up all over himself. I felt so bad for Jimmy and Marla. What do you do when all your little one can do is cry? He can't tell you where it hurts or what is going on. I think they had him calmed down and resting by 1:30 am, but he was up again just a while later. It has been so long I can't remember the exact times. Just the emotions.

A couple hours later Jimmy came and woke Joe up (who, amazingly, was asleep the whole time!). His news? Charlie had stopped breathing. We ran into the bathroom to find Marla crying while holding a lifeless and blue little body in her arms. What do we do?! Joe took Charlie from her and just rubbed his body, encouraging him to breathe. I was sent to help Jimmy call 911.

Dear family and friends... I have learned NOT to call me when it is an emergency. I am better suited to stress situations that we have time to think through. In this case, I just kept staring at the phone wondering if I needed to dial 9 before I dialed 911. Thankfully Jimmy has his head on straight. I only provided that address to our hotel as he talked with the operator. I am sorry, Jimmy. I kick myself that I didn't do better... that I didn't keep my head. Next time I'll know... just dial 911!

Before the paramedics arrived, Charlie started breathing again. (Sigh of relief.) After the medics did arrive, they checked him out anyway. Turns out he had gone into a fever induced seizure. There was nothing we could have done differently. He just had to come out of it on his own.

Marriott was wonderful during this time. They sent a worker out to the street to meet the ambulance and direct them to our room. Their rep stayed to make sure we were okay and left his number if we needed anything else.

After everyone left and the adrenaline had worn off, Joe began to cry... as did we all. All we could do was hang on to each other and thank God that our little Charlie was okay. Jimmy and Marla were amazing... keeping their cool and handling the situation so well! And in a day or so, he was back to normal.

I am so glad we have family that we can count on for support and assistance. It is such a blessing to have others to help share our joys and our burdens. I feel that Joe and I are especially blessed to have both our families so close.

California: In-N-Out Burger

It is NOT a trip to California with Dad Burns unless we eat at In-N-Out at least a dozen times. You just plan on having it for lunch or dinner (sometimes both) everyday. But they have awesome food, so that is okay! I practically lick the cartons! Above is everyone waiting for the food on our first day. Following is what is left over (Joe made me stop at eating the napkins.)

And don't miss Joe driving the minivan! I think I remember him saying he would never be caught dead driving a minivan... well, now I have photos!!! Can we say "blackmail!"

California: My Nieces

This blogger thing is weird... I write things in order of happenings but my beginning ends up at my end. Oh well... maybe if I did the super blog it would all stay in order. Or maybe I am too OCD. We'll just keep doing it this way.

Anyway, I had a lot of fun photographing my nieces, Ashley and Sarah. It was so cute to see these two sisters holding hands and doing everything together. I think this is how sisters should be (sorry, Suzanne, for not being this for you). I am sure they fight, but... in that moment... they were just two friends sharing the excitements of California.

California: The Beginning

So, yeah. Joe and I attended a Burns Family Reunion in California back in April and I decided I had better get to adding it to my blog. Hehe. I was an awesome trip!!! I have never had one that has been so relaxing and almost drama free. (Anytime you get extended family together there is going to be at least a little drama). But really, it was fantastic! Thanks go to Mom and Dad Burns for providing the opportunity by opening up their timeshare to all of us. We appreciate you!!!

I was gonna try and divide this up into days (as best as possible) so it's not one super blog, but I am realizing dividing into "parts" will be better as I am not quite sure what happened which day. BUT, I do have pictures, WAHOO! (Thanks to Mom Smith for letting us borrow her camera!)

Here we are at the airport on our way out of town. It worked out so nice to have Jon take us as well as Jimmy & Marla's family. I can't do the luggage pile justice! And if you think this is a lot, check out the next picture of the WHOLE party at the California car rental.

Kids Update

We finally finished all our classes for foster care!!! Wahoo!!! As part of the process, we were required to take 32 hours of training. The classes tried to cover everything from DCFS (Department of Child and Family Services) policy to abuse to grief/loss and more. I can't even begin to describe everything we learned. (In fact, I should probably take the classes again because there is NO way I am going to retain everything we were taught.) I really enjoyed them, though. I feel so lucky to be given such instruction before having kids. I wish these classes were available to all parents... especially those prone to abuse. Anyways, tons to learn. It was difficult, though, learning about the experiences and issues these children face. Heartbreaking. I found myself wondering if I was qualified to do this... could I REALLY help any of these children who come into my home? I still feel so inadequate. But, I suppose, that is okay. I wonder if any parent--whether giving birth or adopting--feels 100% confident in the moment they realize they are truly responsible for another human being. To all parents, I am amazed by you... your courage, your selfless love. But I digress...

As far as the process goes, we're still a few months out before any placement. There are a million and one things we have to do to prep our home for a home study. We also have a couple projects we feel necessary to finish before having any children. Life will become so chaotic after they arrive, it will be best to minimize any stress while we can. I want to make sure our full attention can be given to them instead of worrying about a yard or the basement. I'll keep you posted as we make progress.

Kids at last!

At long last Joe and I are going to be parents!!! No, we are not pregnant. No, we are not adopting (at least not yet anyway). Sometimes I think Joe and I like the path of most resistance. Maybe we like a challenge. Or maybe we are just daring others to judge us. Mostly, I think we just follow our hearts.

This time, we have chosen to follow our hearts to foster care. Joe and I have started the process to be a licensed foster home. We are ECSTATIC!!! We finally found an answer to our prayers. And boy has that been an interesting experience! Maybe someday I'll tell you about it. Anyway, to answer the most general questions:

Ages we want to foster: 14-18

Why: We LOVE that age! They are intelligent, opinionated, can converse on an adult level, and, mostly, we feel we can be the most useful to them.

When: 3-5 months depending on the home study, background check, paperwork, and training.

How many: 1-4 as we would like a sibling group

How long: depends on the situation... but we would like to adopt the children if possible

I think that covers most everything. Let me know if you have any other questions. Just know that we are committed to this. We are excited... and nervous. But, mostly, happy.

Puppy Love & Humble Pie

I should get used to eating my words. I have done that a lot recently and will probably eat even more through the next few years. I should take the advice "Never say never." I swore I would never have a pet, let alone a large, indoor dog. But, when it's puppy love, how do you say no? I didn't mean for it to happen.

There I was, minding my own business, when he walked in. Gorgeous. Gray eyes like the sky right before a storm. Beautiful stripes, what I now know to be brindle. Shining white markings and a mask. He was so mellow and sweet. I never had any intention of buying him. He was actually meant for someone else. But one look, and I knew he was meant to be mind. I mean, how can you say no to the sad puppy eyes? I called Joe over right away and by the end of the day he was ours. He is a reverse blue brindle American Pit Bull Terrier with white markings and a blue nose. We name him Josser.

Before you jump to fear-crazed conclusions regarding my puppy, please read up on my breed at http://www.adba.cc/ or stop by the house and meet him first. They are actually wonderful family dogs. More pluses that led to the purchase included that he was already crate trained, house broken, socialized with other animals, and was raised with small children in the home. He was 17 weeks old when we first bought him and weighed 42 pounds. Just 4 weeks later, he weighed in at 48 pounds.

We absolutely love our puppy! Even thought it has been a crazy learning experience. Getting up earlier because he is whining. Making sure he gets fed and has potty time. Trying to figure out what he is asking us when all his whines sound the same. There were a few accidents at first. We thought his whine meant he was hungry or thirsty when, in fact,--we found out later--he really needed to go potty. Crazy! But, despite the ups and downs (including chewed shoes or socks, REALLY early mornings, adjusting our schedules, potty accidents, and mauled stuffed animals), I wouldn't change a thing. I love having something else to love (you know... besides Joe). Cuddle time is wonderful and I think Joe loves playtime as well. I think we are both learning a lot.

Mostly, I need to take a sec to eat that humble pie. I'm learning that being a good pet owner is not as easy as it looks and this makes me contemplate parenting in general. To all parents out there, I am sorry for assuming that raising kids is procedural--a simple set of steps. That meal time, bedtime, anytime should function within a defined set of parameters. I am learning--everyday--that parenting requires flexibility, hard work, long hours and more. And, even then, our little ones come with their own personalities... some more stubborn than others. Anyway, it's just a long winded way of saying I was wrong... and I am sorry.

On a lighter note, I'll upload pictures of Josser as soon as I figure out Jon's camera. Hopefully faster than I've uploaded pictures of our home!

Woot!

I am just so excited with my new template!!! Thanks, Erin, for showing me Pyzam. Love it! And, with a little help from Joe & Jon, I was able to edit the html code to widen the page and keep my links in place. Very exciting. I know it's silly, but I thought I would share my tiny accomplishment.

Little Ian

I had the pleasure of sorting my scrapbook room this morning. Don't worry, it's still not organized! I just can't seem to find a place for everyting. Joe would tell me that means I have too much stuff. But, ladies, can we ever have too much scrapbooking stuff?

Anyway, the pleasurable part of sorting is finding all the treasures one has forgotten about. Today, my treasure came in the form of pictures. My favorites are some of little Ian, our nephew (who, by the way, is not so little anymore). He lived with Joe's parents at the same time we did. At first, I must admit, it was difficult. A little 10-year-old boy hanging right outside our room all the time. Wherever we were, he was there too. But it wasn't long before I enjoyed having him around. He was always quick with lots of personality. I loved our chats and his candidness. You could always count on Ian to tell great stories. He was quite the little writer, too. (Something I hope he has kept up on because he was REALLY good, even at the age of ten.)

I can't remember how long he actually lived with Mom and Dad Burns. I can only remember how much I missed him when he moved with his family to Washington. I know he was just our nephew, but... at times... I felt like he was my own. We see him about once or twice a year now. It's always good times and fun to catch up. I understand he is a famous wrestler at school and, according to his sisters, a ladies man. (He has changed his stance on this issue over the years. During one of our first conversations after he left, he assured me he had at least 5 girl friends. That number has dwindled. Now, he doesn't claim a single one. I think he's just at an age where the talk of relationships makes him shy. Perhaps it means that he is beginning to understand what it means to really like a girl... or perhaps he just can't take the teasing anymore!!!)

Anyway, I hope you enjoy these pictures as much as I do. Two show him all GQ in his tux. (His dad's wedding, I believe). The others are just Ian being Ian.

Sorry, Joe, that it took me so long

As I was driving home in rush hour traffic today, my thoughts turned, of course, to Valentine's Day. Joe & I have a pact that he is NOT to buy my flowers on this day because I hate being mainstream. I hate the idea that the only reason he is buying me flowers is because the commericial world tells him he is supposed to. I like things a bit more spontaneous. This took me back 7 years to the day when Joe proposed. Yep, it was Valentine's Day 7 years ago. He took me to the Roof Restaurant in the JSMB (Salt Lake) and, after a ver nice dinner, he asked me to marry him while we overlooked the Salt Lake Temple. He even had his friend, Bart, tape record the whole event. I can still hear the little old lady, "Look! I think he's asking her to marry him!"

Just before we left that evening my mom was all giddy because she thought he might propose to me. My response was negative. I hoped beyond hope that he wouldn't propose. I thought it, well, totally mainstream. Let him propose anywhere but on top of the JSMB, overlooking the temple, on Valentine's Day!

As I sat in my car today, however, I realized something I had never thought about before. It never dawned on me that you can't just call up the Roof Valentine's Day afternoon and get reservations for a party of 8. That takes a lot of advanced notice.

It was then, sitting in the parking lot called I-215, that I knew Joe had actually put thought into and planned our engagment. He was trying to make it a VERY special occasion for us both. I was so tickled that he cared so much about it, that I called him on his cell phone just to say, "I love you."

Sorry, Joe, that it took me so long to figure this out. I really do love you! And appreciate everything you do to make me feel special (even if you don't buy me flowers... ever... lol).

Burns Family Update

Okay. So my sister, Erin, finally talked me into starting a blog for our family. This feels a little weird, but I am hoping to make it through. Pictures will have to come later... when I actually have some to share! Until then, I'll give you a little update on the family.

Where to start? Hmmm. Well, about 6 months ago Joe & I (with my brothers Mike, Jason, Jon and Brandon) started an I.T. company called Aktor Consulting. VERY excitint stuff. We enjoy having our own business and our pleased that it already pays for itself, though we are always looking for more growth. It has been difficult and full of challenges, but also very rewarding. I am addicted! When Aktor is stable and more than self-sufficient, I will deffinitely be looking into more companies and opportunities.

On the homefront, Joe gave me the best Christmas present ever! A new home! We moved into our little 4 bedroom home the weekend before Christmas (after living in a VERY small 3 bedroom apartment). Jon is living with us, so it is nice to have a little more space (you know, for breathing and such).

Joe & I are coming up on our 7th year anniversary. Sometimes I forget that we have been married for so long! But we have loved every minute. I've discovered that your best friend makes the best spouse. We have many things we enjoy doing together: rock band, rock climbing, hockey (he plays, I watch), chilling, and more. We can't wait for the Spring when we can climb again.

We hope everyone else is doing well and I promise to add some pictures soon. Loves and hugs,

Joe & Debbie