Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Over the Rainbow

I'm feeling a bit melancholy tonight. The stresses of being an adult and making tough choices has been weighing on me for a long time. It feels like an eternity. I think most of us have had those days, weeks, months and even years. I know I am not alone. I know we have all felt it in our own lives--those times when we don't understand why everything is going wrong and we don't know how to make it all okay. I guess that is the most difficult thing for me--not being able to make it okay. Whatever my choice, I disappoint someone. Whatever my decision, something is sacrificed. And the worst part is I fear my "why" isn't good enough. My brain tells me that my experience is only for a short time... that "this too shall pass." But my heart still aches, tears still fall, and in the recesses of my mind I wonder if I have done the right thing.

Amidst the self doubt and second guessing tonight, I found myself wishing that I, like Dorothy Gale, could be somewhere over the rainbow. Originally I only planned on posting the words, but I re-discovered the following clip and couldn't help but share. Innocence at its best. And so, for a moment, I invite you to dream and to hope and to believe--like you did when you were a kid--that there is a rainbow waiting for you where troubles melt and blue birds fly.

Somewhere over the rainbow way up high
There's a land that I've heard of once in a lullaby
Somewhere over the rainbow skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true

Some day I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow blue birds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why then, oh why can't I?
If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow
Why oh why can't I?

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Picture Tag!

I feel like posting a pic of my sister with Brooklyn was meant to be. I counted my folder across and I counted going down and either way I ended up on folders of Brooklyn. The first pic (of Suzanne and Brooklyn at B's birthday) I wasn't able to post because of the photo type. So here is one from the other folder. BS & Suzanne came over to help me with the yard and we snapped a couple of shots while everyone was outside. Brooklyn liked the 4wheeler at first, but when we put her on it a second time for the photo opp, she started crying. I really love all the photos I have of my family. They are good reminders of how blessed I am. My sister is the best and I am so grateful she is mine. I love her so much and I thank my lucky stars that we not only live close to eachother, but that we are close to eachother. Thanks for being my best friend, Suzanne. I love ya!

PICTURE TAG RULES
1. Go to your picture files
2. Find the sixth pic folder
3. Find the sixth pic in the folder
4. Post and blog about the pic
5. Tag some friends

I tag Jody, Marla, Jolynn, Daisy, and Katie. Have fun girls and I am looking forward to seeing the new posts!

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Update: Ellie

Okay, I finished chapter one for Ellie. I reposted the blog so it would all run continuous. I did change some setting details (time of day, number of family members, names), so you may want to re-read the beginning to make sure it is cohesive. Otherwise, feel free to scan down to the new stuff. Chapter 2 is coming. Thanks for the great comments I have received so far! I appreicate them VERY much!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Ellie

Wahoo. I have officially started something... I hesitate to call it a book. So let's just call it a story. This one has been kicking around in my head since high school so I thought I would slap it down on paper (and on a blog). So, just under my BRAIN VOMIT link you will see ELLIE. I don't have a proper title yet so it is named after my heroine. I would LOVE for those who are interested to take a gander over yonder and give me some feedback. Does the beginning hook you? Do you find it interesting? Are there places of confusion or places I could add more detail? I know it's predictable (romances usually are), but do you want to keep reading to find out what happens? Anything else you think I could improve, change, remove, etc.? I am also open to name suggestions. (Except for Ellie. Her first name will stay Elise... Ellie for short. I am flexible with her last name. Smith was mine for so long I am not sure I want to curse my character with the same one. Other ideas include Stryker, Stone, Strong, Brown, Jones, Johnson. I don't know... just throwing it out there.)

I am hoping that you will help me make this a great project. If you feel uncomfortable leaving a comment on the blog, feel free to send me an email: debbie@burnsfam.org. When I add more to a chapter I will simply edit the same post so it will always read top to bottom. New chapters will get their own link on the right side of the blog.

Thanks for helping me with this! I am SO excited!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

100 Things I May Have Done

Ok... I'm a copy cat (thanks Nicole and Amy). I thought it would be fun! Just copy the list and bold the ones you have done...

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a Praying Mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping (and loved it, by the way)
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in movie
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous (does the cappuccino man count?)
92. Joined a book club

93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Talked your way out of a ticket

Lots of things left to do! Europe, here I come!

Stupid Tax

Oh my goodness! I was up late one night, feeling very fat, and stumbled across some "true story" of a girl who took 2 sets of pills and lost 45lbs. Those new Acai Berries and the Total Cleanse. So, being the sucker that I am (especially when I'm feeling the flub) I bought into the gimmick and ordered my two "free" trials. Let me just say, READ THE FINE PRINT! Turns out my "free" trials are in fact delayed billing. And while the site talks about 30-days or 21-days, really you have 15-days from the day you order the product to test it out and cancel. AND, not only do you have to cancel within the time frame, but to keep from getting charged you actually have to MAIL the unused product back to the company! So now I paid $10 to get the stuff shipped to me, 15-days later I get billed $150 ($70 for the one trial and $80 for the other) and I'm gonna have to pay another $10 to ship the crap back to them. The best part is I never even had a chance to crack the bottles! The $70 charge will be refunded as soon as they get the unused product back and I am fighting with the other company because I cancelled in time but they still decided to charge me. Moral of the story? Stay away from ANY sales pitch when you are feeling fat! I have palates, P90X, turbo Jam, slim in 6, some rolley ball, and now some crap pills all because I watch infomercials when I'm feeling down. I guess I better just laugh about it... that... or maybe I'll grab some ice cream and surf late night TV! lol

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Dear Marla

I have done it before but I feel the need to do it again. I am sorry for ever judging you.

I was at home last night reading my scriptures yet not understanding a word on the page. My mind was elsewhere. It was stewing over comments made by Subject A about Subject B which had me pondering over comments Subject B made about Subject C which moved me further to remember comments Subject D made about Subjects A-C, E, F and so on. The focus of every comment was parenting. “She doesn’t do this right” or “He is like this” or “I would never do that.” I was so completely frustrated and annoyed last night I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t concentrate. I wanted to write a crazy insane blog that would have resulted in a ton of people mad at me and me, of course, looking like the self-righteous, self-centered member of the family (that I probably am). I refrained and instead started to ponder other things. One that came most forcefully to my mind was our trip to California last year. I believe you remember.

We had spent the week together… you, Natalie, myself and our families… in one two-bedroom condo. I watched you with your children from their moments of joy to their grumpy tantrums. I noticed morning routines and evening bedtime rituals. I heard you, late at night, trying to take care of a sobbing Charlie who was sick with a horrible fever. I remember your tears and your words as you laid him in Joe’s arms, “He’s not breathing.” And then I saw you—after a traumatic experience and no sleep—gently handle your girls the next day with all the patience of a saint. In short, you amazed me. And I think, somewhat like the Grinch, my heart grew in sizes. In that moment I felt sorry for all the things I had said regarding your parenting or your way of doing things. My guilt came crashing down on me for ever judging you. All these years I made the mistake of thinking you had to grow up and in the end, it was me that had to change. I told you then, and I reiterate now, that I am sorry and that I think you are amazing! I should add thank you, as well, for helping me to see that we cannot judge each other. That week I recognized that children come with their own unique and sometimes challenging personalities. And I saw a mother and a father respond by doing the best they knew how to love and teach their children. I am so grateful for that experience and for how you taught me these things through your example.

Sometimes, (between you and me, Marla) I am afraid to have children. Not just because it is more difficult than I ever imagined (babysitting just one child for a day has taught me that), but because I am afraid of being under the microscope while all the other parents are mentally sizing me up and deciding whether or not I am a fit mother. I worry about all the judgments that will be passed when I don’t do something perfectly because I can only rely on “the best I know how.” It scares me, Marla. It really does. And last night, it hurt.

I know I can’t change anyone (nor is it my right to do so). But I send out a wish that we can give each other the benefit of the doubt. That we can give each other a little wiggle room, understanding that we are all just moving through life (and each situation) doing the best that we know how. And that just because one set of parents does something differently than we do, it doesn’t make either party wrong. To Marla, Natalie, Suzanne, Erin, Brenda and all the other parents (including daddies) that I know, I say thank you for having the courage to parent with your own style. I am watching and I am noticing that you are doing a great job… the best job you know how. We all have our good and bad days. We all have those moments when we think “one more thing and I am gonna sell them to the gypsies!” But then I have seen all those moments when you hold them in your arms and smile from deep inside because you love them and because they are yours, forever and ever. I love you, my sisters. I love you, Marla. I am so grateful I have you (all of you) as a part of my family. Thank you for your love and your examples. You are all amazing!