High school reunions are amazing! But not in a good way, lol. I find it incredible that after so many years of personal evolution--you know, the self confidence gained since high school and built through college and all the accomplishments, awards, and milestones--that all it takes is seeing the people (whether in photos, blogs or in person) that you knew in high school and all of a sudden you are once again that insecure individual you were when you left. It is truly amazing that even after all of the growth and after so much time, that in one tiny moment--BAM--I'm an awkward teenager again. At least I find that is true for myself.
I recently saw a post on friend's blog that (I guess it would be our 11-year) reunion is coming up in August. We never had a 5th or a 10th, so you know, here we go... 11 years! Woot. And for a split second I thought, maybe... maybe I'll go to that. That might be interesting. Then I noticed that on the side of the announcement for our reunion they had a list of blogs. So I started going through the blogs belonging to the different members of my class of 98. It was very fun! I saw a lot of people I truly enjoyed in high school. Tons of great people! It was fun to catch up on some of these guys. One, Phil, that I have known since jr. high, is out in Virginia. He's in marketing and he's still working on getting that band together. I remember him forming Callisto at NLJH. He was AWESOME! I loved the memories his blog triggered. But then I came across other blogs... people that made me feel so uncomfortable! Or that I was uncomfortable being around. Maybe not because of anything they did or said, but because of the class system that existed in high school and the whole hierarchy of people. And it was fascinating to me how quickly I felt insecure all over again. I looked at everything that had been accomplished by these classmates and the families they have now and the things they are doing. And I felt SO incredibly insecure. If I showed up at a reunion it would be me. The best I've done with my life over the last 11 years is marrying Joe (and hey, at least he's hot!) I just wonder if anyone other than me feels that way. Do you feel that insecurity?
I don't believe my sister-in-law Marla does. She is excited to go to her reunion. She is excited to see these people from her past. And I think that's because she has this incredible quality that once she makes your acquaintance, you guys are friends forever. She could see you at Disneyland 10 years later and she will run up to you and be excited to see you and want to sincerely know what's happened and what you're up to. Whereas, myself, if I saw you I would probably avoid you and head on over to the other side of Disneyland. I say to Joe all the time, "I know that person over there. I went to high school with them." But I never say hi. And I think it's because I'm so insecure. I assume I'm not someone you want to see or catch up with. So I do... I turn and I run. I just don't think that you would want to talk to me. I mean, what are we going to talk about? Of course there is always the we-weren't-even-friends-in-high-school-so-why-talk-now thing. The "Hey! I know you. How are you. Yep. That's great. Okay, bye." SO uncomfortable.
Anyway, the experience is more about the high school reunion thing and how, after all these years (11 years!), it only takes a few pictures to make me feel just as awkward and insecure as I did when I was there. And sometimes I wonder... am I alone in that? Do other people have those same experiences too? So... I'm asking you to share. Please give some comments on this... either way. Maybe you like reunions. (How do you do it, Marla? lol.) Maybe you don't. Maybe you can share some helpful tips for overcoming those feelings of inadequacy. Not matter how you put it, I look forward to an opportunity to learn from you!
6 comments:
You are crazy!!!! The best way to be confident is to pretend you are confident. The more you pretend the more it becomes reality. Sometimes it takes giving yourself a pep-talk before and during your session of pretend, (I have worked hard, I have pretty hair, I made through a whole winter only wear sandals. . .)things like that. Keep it up until the end of the pretend and eventually you won't need the pep-talk you will really feel that way all the time. With me it is a little scary how confident I am in some situations when I really shouldn't be but I have pretended for so long and given myself so many pep-talk I seem just to be over what others say or even think sometimes. Don't get me wrong I love compliments but when you say something bad it kinda just rolls off and I think of ten things I do great (or try and do great) and I just don't care what they think because I know many people who do love me for who I am. There are times I would like to change things about myself or personality but those are really just improvements to this already pretty package and if I choose to try and change those things it is only to give myself a goal or something to work towards.
You are the only person who can determine yourself worth why sell your self short be worth a million bucks.
Believe that you are important and you will be.
Sorry tangent!!!!
Awesome comment, thank you! I'm seriously going to use your "when someone says something bad, it kinda rolls off and I think of ten things I do great" this week!!! And I love what you said about determining my own self worth... "why sell your self short be worth a million bucks." Thanks, Betsy!!!
LOL - i went to my 10th(?) and i felt the SAME way. Of course a lot of the people who went to it wouldn't even look at me in high school so i wasn't about to feel all "best-ie" towards them now. I'm not even sure they knew i existed. I ended up hanging with someone i hung out with in HS and made the rounds with her. Still a bit uncomfortable but it got me out there. NOt really considering going to any of the other reunions because i've decided that the people i would want to see again probably wouldn't come to them anyways. BUT i'd be there in a heartbeat if they did. FB is such a great way to keep up with the ones i really want to see again ;-)
I didn't go to my five year or my ten year. And despite what I have been told (there great fun!)I wont go to my 15 or 20 etc. etc. I wasn't that person who enjoyed high school. I wasn't that person who cared. I went because I had to go. I had senioritis as a freshman! I still talk to and follow with those classmates that I care about and loved then and now. I thought for a moment that I would want to go to one...and then without realizing it...I dated one of the SBOs from my senior year. He is fine...but it reminded me of how much I don't like chit chat, awkwardness, and fakeness. There...that is my take on it.
Funny. The way I figure it is that all those people in school who i really care to see I still see when come into town. Everyone else, I can care less about. Looking back, I don't really like how school makes you think you should act... If that makes sense. I don't think I'll ever go to a reunion.
Kelly
Okay-I went with a girl friend to the reunion. We still had fun making fun of people at the reunion! There were still the groups of people hanging out. I was sterotyping people like from high school and they were doing the same to me I imagine. I didn't go up & talk to a boyfriend from junior high, and my boyfriend from my junior year was not there either, so those awkard moments didn't happed cause I didn't want them to. so I was involved in some different groups-band & track. and those groups were good people and i was happy to see people from those groups that i did stuff with.
and oh, i am slow at looking at this blog post! oh well. i am a nerd i guess.....i was not the coolest in high school-debbie just thinks so! :)
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