"As Is" Warranty

I realized tonight that I never provided to any of my dear friends and family the “AS IS” disclosure of knowing me and utilizing my friendship. I discovered this as I was chatting with Katie tonight. Some have assumed that I come with a warranty, able to change out defective parts for shiny new ones. However, my warranty has long since expired and I am more or less take-me-as-I-am. I apologize for any confusion that may have resulted in the lack of full disclosure and I am sorry, but refunds are not available at this time. However, you may terminate service at anytime and for any reason. You don’t even have to put it in writing! (In fact, I would prefer that you didn’t… it would make things quite awkward for me). If you are thinking about continuing with my Free Friendship, please read the following “As Is” warranty statement.

Free Friendship "AS IS" Warranty Statement

ATTENTION: USE OF FREE FRIENDSHIP IS SUBJECT TO THE DEBBIE BURNS FREE FRIENDSHIP PRODUCT "AS IS" WARRANTY STATEMENT BELOW AND THE DEBBIE BURNS FRIENDSHIP LICENSE TERMS. BY ACCESSING AND USING THE FRIENDSHIP, YOU ARE AGREEING TO BE BOUND BY THESE TERMS. IF YOU DO NOT AGREE TO ALL OF THESE TERMS, DO NOT ACCESS OR USE THE FRIENDSHIP.

DEBBIE BURNS FREE FRIENDSHIP
"AS IS" WARRANTY STATEMENT

DISCLAIMER
TO THE EXTENT ALLOWED BY LOCAL LAW, THIS DEBBIE BURNS FREE FRIENDSHIP ("FRIENDSHIP") IS PROVIDED TO YOU "AS IS" WITHOUT WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF ANY KIND, WHETHER ORAL OR WRITTEN, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED. DEBBIE BURNS SPECIFICALLY DISCLAIMS ANY IMPLIED WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF USABILITY, SATISFACTORY QUALITY, AND/OR FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. (I am definitely NOT fit.)

Some countries, states and provinces do not allow exclusions of implied warranties or conditions, so the above exclusion may not apply to you. You may have other rights that vary from country to country, state to state, or province to province. (Any international or out-of-state friends, please contact me for details).

LIMITATION OF LIABILITY

EXCEPT TO THE EXTENT PROHIBITED BY LOCAL LAW, IN NO EVENT WILL DEBBIE BURNS OR HER SUBSIDIARIES (Josser), AFFILIATES (family & friends) OR SUPPLIER (Joe) BE LIABLE FOR DIRECT, SPECIAL, INCIDENTAL, CONSEQUENTIAL OR OTHER DAMAGES (INCLUDING LOST FUNDS, LOST SANITY, OR DOWNTIME COSTS), ARISING OUT OF THE USE, INABILITY TO USE, OR THE RESULTS OF USE OF THE FRIENDSHIP, WHETHER BASED IN WARRANTY, CONTRACT, TORT OR OTHER LEGAL THEORY, AND WHETHER OR NOT ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES.

Your use of the Friendship is entirely at your own risk. Some countries, states and provinces do not allow the exclusion or limitation of liability for incidental or consequential damages, however, in Debbie World, the above limitation still applies to you.

Sick of Being Sick

Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope! I am so freaking tired of getting sick and having it last for eternity. I feel like some type of yuck has hit me at least every other week and then it lingers until the next piece-o-crap virus/bacteria can sink its claws in. Maybe I just don't know how to turn on the "No Vacancy" sign. Or maybe someone taped a "Kick Me" sign to my back that I'm not aware of. Either way, I'm sick of being sick, especially when there is so much to be done. Yard work, house work, family events, friend events, LIVING. I sound like Darth Vader just about now because my sinuses are so stuffed I can only breathe through my mouth. I wonder if his head felt like it was ready to explode at any moment? Maybe we just got it wrong with him. Maybe he wasn't so big, bad and scary. Maybe he just had the most annoying sinus infection ever!

Anyway, I can't help Darth Vader, but I can only hope someone out there can help me. Does anyone know some good home or herbal remedies that can boost my immune system? I'll even take the dreaded "d" word (diet) into consideration. I just can't keep functioning on little to no sleep, a lack of oxygen, dripping nose, rattling chest or the hot-to-cold flashes (I can't really be experiencing menopause, right? I mean I'm only 29 after all).

I would appreciate any and all suggestions (except fish. I just can't do fish. I'm sorry, I know that they are supposed to be good for me but, honestly, I've seen what happens to food when left in water for an extended period of time. And you want me to eat something that has been soaking in water its whole life? There is a reason fish smells so bad.) Other than fish, suggest away. Thank you for your help!

Now, if I could just get these invisible buns off my ears so I could hear again. Really, how did Leia wear those things all the time?

Medium-Well to Well Done

Just a heads up... working/being outside for more than 6 hours straight can lead to sunburn even if the weather is cool. I guess I didn't realize that! I spent the good part of yesterday working in the yard. I know, don't have a heart attack. Me? Manual labor? Yeppers. And the bigger shocker is that I was up before noon on a Saturday. lol. I decided the knee high weeds and overgrown grass was more pressing than my need to oversleep. And I am SO glad I pushed myself out of bed and into the yard. Though I know have a red face and a wicked awesome farmer's tan, I love looking outside and seeing a well manicured yard. It's just the first step of many to get the yard where it needs to be. I hacked down the weeds, trimmed the lawn, and then swept up the aftermath into the garbage. Monday I plan on "watering" the weeds with poison. I've decided to start in small area to get the swing of things (I've never really done this before and it scares me). Once I have a system down, I'll expand to the rest of my garden of weeden. I don't think I'll actually get any real flowers planted this year, but I am hoping to get the beds prepped and a drip line run so I'll be ready for next spring. Until then, I'm gonna focus on my burn. I feel like an overcooked steak!

Dear Moms, I Kinda Get It Now

The four walls seemed to close around us as we entered the small clinical room. Harsh florescent light, magnified as it bounced back and forth between sterile white walls and a solitary stainless steel table, only added to our discomfort. It was the same room we always ended up in. I knew it, but how he knew it was beyond me. But he did know. Even as we crossed the threshold my baby was shaking and whimpering. The sound broke my heart a thousand times over in the thirty seconds before the doctor and nurse had even entered. He cringed as the nurse reached for him, forcing him towards the table. He whined and struggled as she and the doctor forced foreign objects in his ears, mouth, and... well, other places I won't mention. When he could turn far enough, his eyes seemed to cry, "Mom, why are you letting them hurt me? Why won't you save me?" I knew we were there to help him. I knew that only the doctor could tell us what was happening to our little one. But still, I felt helpless as my baby continued to cry and shake and cringe. And in that moment, I understood.

Okay, so, like always, totally dramatic (just working on some writing). I could have kept going, but really, it was a vet visit and not the end of the world. lol. Today we took Josser to the vet because of some terrible rashes that have turned into open sores on his legs. They were bleeding by the time I got home from work today. SO scary! We think it is just an allergy to the grass, but only time will tell. And yes, my dog totally freaks at the vet. We always seem to end up in the same room, too. As soon as we walk through the door Josser is trying to hide behind us or escape. Today was just too heartbreaking. They actually put a little choke collar thing around his neck and tied him to the table. The poor kid was shaking terribly. After the exam was over, he came right back and hid behind us again. I think I figured out that Josser gets his anxiety from me. He must feel it. I was a mess during the exam. I just wanted to take him off that table and out the door. I felt horrible that I couldn't do anything for him. But, what can you do? We had to find out what was going on with the sores on his legs. And that's when it hit me. This must be how you moms feel when your kids are getting shots. My sisters have told me how hard it is to watch. I never really got it. I'll admit I found it a little silly. Come on. They're just some shots, right? But (as always) I ate crow for dinner tonight. That seems to be on the menu a lot recently. I suppose I'll have to keep eating it until I learn my lesson. Until then, I think it goes well with broccoli.