Nomanisan Island

Ya know, it's funny. I just realized (as I checked two different email accounts for messages and even logged onto facebook in hopes that someone had written on my wall) that we humans do not want to be alone. We crave contact... a connection with others. More than just a connection, though. I think we want to know that somewhere someone in this world of billions is thinking of us... is reaching out to us.

Recently I have been studying meditation techniques. Just a way to deal with the stress of my current situation. One technique I have been using has you picture yourself at the bottom of a crystal clear pond. The water is a perfect temperature as it envelops you, giving your body the sensation of being weightless. All outside noises and distractions are blocked by the surface of the pond. You are totally alone. As you breathe in and out you realize that, like a fish, you do not drown but instead can breathe the oxygen in the water. You are completely comfortable and your mind is empty. Any intrusive thoughts are breathed out into a bubble that floats to the surface. As it breaks the glassy ceiling of your pond it pops, the unwanted image dissolving with it.

Over the last week meditation has been VERY helpful. I have actually been able to sleep without the disruptive presence of nightmares. However, tonight, as I once again pictured myself in my private pond, I cried. The pleasure I had previously felt at being away from the confusion of life was replaced with the despair of feeling utterly alone. Devoid of any human contact or interaction. I do not blame this on my meditation (which I will still continue). Instead it was merely a reflection of feelings I have been trying to ignore. And it led me to the realization that shying away from others is not the answer but, instead, I need to reach out for the contact and connections I so ardently need. We, as humans, are meant to be humans... plural... more than one. We are designed to feed off of each other... energies, emotions, enlightenment. Sometimes I have thought that "needing" someone else means that I am weak. But I think that allowing ourselves to need someone else actual shows strength as it opens us for pain, heartache, disappointment, regret.

I guess what I am trying to say is I know I need you--my friends--I need you. Your comments, your love, your support and even your nay-saying. I need it all. Strengths and weaknesses. Because I need you just the way you are. Perfect and unique.