Let Your Life Shine

Change

2012-01-15T14:35:00.000-05:00

Once upon a time I believed I accepted change easily.

We moved an average of once a year when I was a kid, so you got used to leaving and starting over. Got used to relationships that weren't meant to last longer than a school year and homes that had mustard yellow walls because you knew they weren't yours to fix. Princeton Street was the longest I'd ever lived in one place and attended one school until I was a teenager. Four years in one house (if you don't count the times Mom and the kids lived with other people for awhile). Five years in one school.

I don't remember crying when we left Princeton Street. I felt the overdue-ness of the situation in my core, as though we'd lived their too long encroaching on someone else's time to build memories and friends there. Perhaps I wasn't meant to be friends with Tracy and Ana after all. Perhaps I was just the filler until the real girl moved in who belonged in a home where families planted roots and stayed forever.

That wasn't my family. So they weren't my tears to shed.

After a short stint in government housing (I suppose the term is Section 8 now), we moved to Utah. Another place to start over. Another school to keep quiet and do my academic thing and wait for another move. Change was easy when you didn't get attached to anything. I tried really hard no to get attached.

Fast forward past the awkwardness of high school, the waiting to pick up and move, the resistance to friendships that eventually break and attachments that cause more heartache than joy, and I'm an adult. Almost 32. And suddenly change is hard.

Suddenly I realize I have really awesome friends that I don't want to leave. And I realize I have really awesome friends in places I've already left. I realize that the bullshit I've been telling myself about change and moving on and letting go of people does not come from truth, but fear. It comes from not wanting to hurt anymore, not wanting to break each time we leave. Not wanting to know if people care or are counting the days until we are gone.

Photo HERE

I look back over my life and see a little girl so hurt by the constant change and lack of real relationships that she's told herself she doesn't care. That change is good. That moving on is healthy. And that relationships aren't meant to last. One lie on top of another until piled so impossibly high that the heap of garbage tumbles and falls and buries her alive. When she finally climbs out of the mess she's created she sees truth for the first time. That really she doesn't like change. That change for her means loss and heartache and trying to find her way through the darkness once more. And she sees, to her everlasting joy, the other truth--that some friends never left. Friendship, she discovers, isn't about proximity, but about heart. And for reasons beyond her comprehension, some people have chosen to love her despite everything she is or how far she's moved.

This little girl is courageous. Too bad she isn't me.

For all my years and epiphanies and growth opportunities, I am still afraid. The anxiety rolls inside me like a boat on the ocean waves and I am sick. The world keeps moving regardless of how still I sit. And my understanding cannot keep pace with my thoughts--little particles of worry whizzing around my head like high-energy particles in the Large Hadron Collider.

*breathes deeply*

Logically, I know change can be good. Change fosters innovation, paradigm shifts, and can lead to greater fulfillment. Change is the basis of religion--the idea that we start as imperfect beings and change, ever improving towards god-like characteristics. Change shakes things up, makes life exciting, stretches our capabilities, and creates a better us. Change is adventure, fulfillment and life. When I write all those things I feel better, even though fear of the unknown still chews on my insides.

And I wish, for just one moment, that Fear felt full. That Doubt would take a vacation. And Overwhelming would go sky-diving without a parachute.

The worst part of all? Change may not even happen. All this worry and nothing may manifest. We'll go about our daily lives, living as we always have with no one the wiser (except that I blogged about it, lol). But the thought of not changing? Of missing a new adventure?

*puts away Indian Jones hat and whip*

That makes me the most sad of all.

Grandma Wrinkles

2011-12-12T12:57:00.001-05:00

I love this picture of Grandma Porter, but not for the reasons you might think. Yes, she looks beautiful. Yes, I like the way she seems to be looking off into the future and smiling at the outcome. But I really like this picture because of her wrinkles, especially the ones around her nose. I love those wrinkles most because they remind me of the way Grandma crinkles her nose when she smiles really big or laughs really hard. In my mind I can see her giggling, mouth half covered with one of her hands, because Grandpa just told a really great joke. She spent a lot of time smiling and laughing when Grandpa was alive. And, surprisingly, she still spends a lot of time smiling and laughing even though he's gone. I think it's because, like the picture, Grandma has that ability to look ahead and see the time when she'll be reunited with the man she loves and shared over half a century of her life with. She also sees the good in the life she has here on this earth. She celebrates the time she has left with her posterity. And, above all, she rejoices in Christ.

That's the woman I want to be. And, hopefully someday, the grandma I will be as well.

I hope when I'm older that my wrinkles will be a reflection of the love I have for life, family and Christ. I hope the deep creases of my face will remind my loved ones of the happy memories we've shared together. I hope I'm as beautiful, as loving, as nurturing as Grandma Porter has been to me.

Until then, I have to keep working on my laugh lines. :)

Time...

2011-10-25T12:39:00.002-04:00

I really can't believe November is almost here. Only 6 days away? What happened to October?

I spent most of the month in the doctor's office trying to figure out what's wrong with me physically. So far IBS seems to be the culprit, mingled with an allergy to high fructose corn syrup--which is in just about everything. I've been working with a nutritionist to find foods I can eat and so far that is working out really well. I have my follow up with the specialist on Halloween to determine if there's anything else going on with my insides that I need to be aware of. We'll see.

Mostly, though, I'm tired. And perhaps a little grumpy (see tired). But Joe is hopeful we'll be able to figure this out and so I'm holding on to him holding on to hope. Maybe I should get some rope to tie me to him in case my arms give out. Le sigh.

In happier news, I finished the first act of my book! This is HUGE for me! It means I have completed 1/4 of my book!!! Wahoo!!! Right now that looks like 11 chapters and just over 25K words. If I keep a consistent rate, I'll end up with about 44 chapters and 100K. Most first novels publish around the 80K mark, so I might be a little high. But that's okay! I can always chop-chop during the revisions stage. I'm excited to have two VERY EXCELLENT beta readers lined up for revisions and, so far, have been super happy with the feedback I'm getting from my alpha readers.

One thing I've realized is that my book is not for everyone. Sometimes that makes me sad, but mostly I think that's just a part of the author-reader dynamic. I love Harry Potter, but that doesn't mean everyone does. Just as some love Lord of the Rings, which I can't stand. It's good to recognize early on that what I write--my content, style, approach--won't resonate with every person that picks it up. Some will even hate it. I don't know if I'm ready for that yet, but that doesn't change reality. So I'm trying to grow a thicker skin. Pretty hard considering I kill most everything I try to grow. But I'll keep working at it, changing the fertilizer or the ground I'm in. I guess being a slow writer is helpful in this way... I'll have plenty of time to work on my thick skin before I even query, let alone publish a novel.

For those that are interested, I've revamped the look/feel of the writer blog. New content will be added sooner than later. I've decided to focus for a time on the research that I'm doing rather than the writing journey itself. So, if you're into paranormal, expect to see posts about angels & demons, death personified, vampire lore, and other delectable bites.

If you want to more about the novel, I'm still working on the pitch line (so it's really rough). This is what I have so far: SOUL REAPER (working title): A traumatized Angel of Death shuns her Maker in hopes of finding release, but learns even good choices require payment--her submission or her soul, neither of which she is willing to relinquish. (Feel free to tell me in the comments whether or not you'd read it and why! TY!)

In other news, work seems to be going well for Joe. His company is gearing up for a huge project that is going to keep him busy-busy in the months to come. He seems to spend many of his days in meetings, but still enjoys the people he works with. I'm happy he's happy!

Josser and Journey are hilarious and annoying all at the same time. But I love my little monsters. As with most creatures, they are most adorable when they are sleeping! hehe

I hope October has been good to you! And I am excited to see all the costume pictures I know you're going to share with me via blogger and Facebook... right? Right?! Hehe.

Lots of love,
D

Living with PTSD

2011-10-14T17:34:00.001-04:00

I've been living with PTSD for almost three years now, but I've only been open about it for the last one. At first it seemed like a diagnosis to be ashamed of. That I needed to hide it or make it go away. I felt that I should be able to function and be "normal." I think others expected it of me too.

But I'm not normal. I may never be normal again. And I most definitely will never be the "old" Debbie. Not because I don't want to, but because I can't. It's impossible. I'm different. Life is different. The world is different.

I realized recently that I don't talk much to my family about PTSD. I've never explained it to you or chatted it with you. I simply acted not-normal and expected you to catch on and then became angry when you didn't. That was unfair of me.

So here is my attempt at helping you understand what it's like living with PTSD.

PTSD Defined

According to Wiki, posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is "is a severe anxiety disorder that can develop after exposure to any event that results in psychological trauma. This event may involve the threat of death to oneself or to someone else, or to one's own or someone else's physical, sexual, or psychological integrity, overwhelming the individual's ability to cope. As an effect of psychological trauma, PTSD is less frequent and more enduring than the more commonly seen acute stress response. Diagnostic symptoms for PTSD include re-experiencing the original trauma(s) through flashbacks or nightmares, avoidance of stimuli associated with the trauma, and increased arousal – such as difficulty falling or staying asleep, anger, and hypervigilance. Formal diagnostic criteria require that the symptoms last more than one month and cause significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning."

What it is

An actual, honest-to-grandma disorder related to extreme anxiety and fear
R-E-A-L (I'm not making it up)
Long lasting and can take years (if ever) to treat
Life altering

What it is NOT

An excuse to be lazy
A negative label indicating I'm broken
A reason to judge me
Proof that I'm crazy

What does this mean for my life?

It means that sometimes I can't function. Period. Joe and I call those couch days because about the only thing I can do is lay on the couch and watch happy shows like Monsters Inc or Cars. Couch days can be triggered by any number of things, but sleep/nightmares seems to be the biggest culprit. The good days have begun to outnumber the bad, though, so we are hopeful that maybe someday I'll be free. However (as my dad can attest... sorry Dad), one night of night terrors can still leave me a vegetable.

It means that most times I struggle to process information. I've lost words, meanings, phrases. I can be mid-sentence and completely forget what I was saying. I stumble through my thoughts. When others are talking I often can't understand what they're saying. Not because of the words, but because my brain isn't up to speed. I prefer to text than talk because I can see what you're trying to say and have time to formulate a response. I'm not so great "on the spot."

It means sometimes I have to take a break or cancel an activity. I used to be able to do many, many things at once and do them well. Trauma has changed that for me. Most of the time I feel raw... like I'm walking around without skin on and all the air and particles are grinding into my insides. It's like that, but emotionally. Chaos, loud noises, large groups, or too much time away from home can overwhelm me and send me into a panic attack (difficulty breathing, terror of surroundings, lots and lots of tears). I have to be careful how much stimulus I allow into my life. And if I get overstimulated, I have to take a break--leaving the party early (if I even go at all), taking a nap, lying down to watch a happy movie, or finding a quiet place to breathe and remind myself that I'm okay. It's nothing personal... it's not that I don't want to be with you... it's that I have to keep myself sane.

It means that most of the time I'm terrified of new people, places, and things. Strangers terrify me. I don't know what they're going to do or say. They're unpredictable and very, very scary. Just like places I don't know. Or experiences I haven't tried yet. My anxiety is high to extremely high most of the time. I have to have a plan for everything. And a backup plan. And a backup for the backup. It helps me manage the anxiety and fear. It helps me control what I can control because there is so much that I can do nothing about.

It means sometimes I'm less than dependable. I can't hold down a job, fulfill my callings as I would like, or be there always when you need me. I just don't know when the next attack is going to happen, how long I'll be down, or what the aftermath is going to look like. I don't mean to be a flake. I don't mean to be unhelpful. I'm just trying to do the best I can with what I have.

It means that most times I'm emotional and sensitive. I'm probably reading more into a situation than needs be and I'm highly likely to get my feel bads hurt. I also shut down really fast--like C3P0 in Old Ben Kenobi's hut on Tatooine. This doesn't mean you need to change anything, just understand when I need time to collect myself.

It means we aren't pursuing children. Not until I'm healthier... more stable.

It means I'll be in therapy for a very, very long time. Lots of hours and money will be invested before I make it out of this mess.

And it means that my whole life--how I grocery shop, who I hang with, how I interact with others, what movies I see, what TV I watch, what seasons I love, what topics I'll discuss, which places I'll go, what times I'll be out, how often I leave home, how I receive love, and how my brain works--has been altered forever.

I welcome any questions you might have. Feel free to email me. I'll share with you what I can. I'll give you any resources I have. I'll do everything in my power to help you understand and to be patient while you try.

I spent the first two years tyring to pretend things didn't happen and that PTSD didn't exist. Looks like I'll spend the rest of my life advocating for those with mental health issues and learning how to handle my own.

Lots of love,
Deb

Other Related Posts

Heads Up to Family

2011-10-14T15:50:00.000-04:00

To those of you who received this via email... this is my way of trying to keep in touch with all the members of family. I only have 10 slots, so I used one email to represent each family unit. (Pretty much all the girls, lol). If you'd rather not receive blog updates in your email or if you'd rather have me use a different email address, please let me know.

Hope this helps with keeping in touch! I'm working on being more consistent. :)

Thanks and love ya,
Deb

Equality Begins with Me

2011-08-31T11:25:00.000-04:00

I talk a lot about how we’re told women are equal to men and yet so many actions of the Church make me feel different. The lack of women leaders in the church… our 9 to the men’s hundreds. The idea that married women with children shouldn’t work. Even, in some (not all) wards, how the men seem to always be given the bulk of sacrament meeting for speaking while the women are asked to introduce the family and speak for a few minutes on the assigned topic. It’s that little things that add up to big things that make me wonder, does God really love his daughters as much as he loves his sons?

Some days I just don’t know.

But today, as I prayed to Heavenly Father I laid it all out on the line. I finally spoke my mind. No beating around the bush. No tip toeing around the subject or wavering. Nope. I asked, “If men and women are equal, then why do you continue to shield us from the world? Why hide my Heavenly Mother? Why ask me to do the same? I don’t feel that we’re equal at all.”

And then some interesting things happened. In my mind I saw women getting in line first to eat meals. I saw men holding the door open for us at the mall. I saw myself in a restaurant ordering before my husband. That’s what girls do, right? That’s how men show us respect… chivalry. But those scenes showed me that I wasn’t asking for respect, I was asking for a pedestal. Do I really want equality? Or do I want to rule the world so I can force all those horrible men who have treated me despicably over the years to suffer as I have suffered. Unfortunately, I want the latter. I want God’s sons to know what it feels like to feel inferior. I want them to hear the words, “listen to your wife as she listens to God.” I want them to wonder what all their other talents mean when they’re told their most important purpose in this life is to give their sperm to a woman.

Is it really that harsh when told to women? Perhaps not. Is that how I feel it? Yes it is.

And there’s my problem. That’s the other thing the Lord showed me—or maybe asked is the better term—as I knelt in prayer. I felt him pose the question, “What makes you feel inferior?” And the answer in my heart came down to decision making. I felt like the scriptures, the doctrine and especially the Church culture tell me that I have to listen to the men.

So how does that translate over to my need for equality? Essentially I am waiting for a man to tell me—AND SHOW ME—that women are truly equal. Then the thought hit me, “If I really believe women are equal to men, then why am I waiting for them to give me permission to speak my mind.” I thought about the Sunday Schools in which I’ve held my tongue, the councils in which I’ve waited for someone else to call on me, the meetings in which I’ve looked to Joe to answer. The problem, I discovered today, is me.

A free woman of equality doesn’t wait for someone else to declare she is a free woman of equality. She knows she is. She believes it with every fiber of her being and she acts accordingly—using her voice, joining the discussion, participating in the activity, etc. She doesn’t have to do everything the men do. She acts based upon the desires of her heart and the will of the Lord, just as his sons do. She listens to others and serves them; she doesn’t conquer them.

I say we’re equal, but my actions speak otherwise. And I need to change. I can’t wait for someone else to give me the right to be equal. Those laws have been passed. Those statements have been made. It is up to me now to show myself and the world that I am equal. I need to believe it. I need to be it.

So back to the scenes I saw flit through my mind. The food and the doors and the ordering. What would true equality look like? For me, it’s mutual respect. It’s everyone heading to the buffet line together, not women first. It’s the first person in line holding the door for those who might follow. It’s taking turns ordering and allowing others to speak for themselves. It’s being courteous and loving and kind without regard to gender (or any other factor of diversity).

Neither gender needs a pedestal or a body guard. Neither needs shackles or gilded cages.

And perhaps the deepest truth is that neither side needs someone else deciding how they should live their lives. So if a woman likes her man to hold the door and that makes her feel equal and valued. Who am I to judge? If a man decides to stay home because he is the stronger nurturer of the two, who am I to tell him he is confused or not a “real” man?

Again it comes back to me. Only I can decide what I want from this life and what equality means to me. Only I can be responsible for voicing my needs and wants to others. How can they know if I never share? And only I can keep me from reaching the true measure of my creation… to be the best damn daughter of God that I can be.

Equality today doesn’t start with others. True equality begins with me.

The question now? Can I stand up for myself, voicing my needs and desires, without castrating the other half of the world? Only time will tell. And thankfully I have the best husband ever to help me navigate the waters.

There is beauty all around...

2011-04-22T11:32:00.000-04:00

...when I open my front door.

Joe and I use the backdoor prettry much 100% of the time. It's closest to the parking lot and pretty much everything else. So when I opened the door in mid-April and saw this...

...it took my breath away. I love my little entry way. I just need to look through it more often. :)

Deb's Awesomesauce Birthday

2011-04-07T14:29:00.000-04:00

This is actually this day before my birthday, but I felt so cute I had to include the pics!

Loving this one!

And what would be a picture session without a little sass?

This is the real birthday day. Joe took me to the Cheesecake Factory.

He cut my head off.

And tried to fix it with the pic.

He finally figured it out, hehe. I love my Joe!
The necklace and matching earrings in this pic were a b-day gift from my friend Chantel. Isn't she AMAZING!

My favoritest dessert. EVER. The strawberry shortcake. Divine.
So yummy I couldn't post just one picture.

Or two.

Probably not even three, but I didn't want to keep you drooling.
But if you ever get the chance, eat this!

On our way home.

Where we all decided to take a nap. Except Josser stole my spot!

Joe loves it when I take these kind of pics! Muhaha.
(Note to self: hide camera)

Awwww. He's so cute!

Our friends the C's brought me yummy, yummy birthday treats. My fav chips and the essential b-day cake.

Yes. That number is right. I am 31. Yikes!

Flowers from Chantel. She takes such good care of me!

And my visiting teachers, Teresa, made me this cake.
(A cake is my one bday wish... a must have... and I got 3! I'm the luckiest girl ever!)

We might not have gone anywhere new or adventurous, but I loved my birthday and felt so special as cakes and gifts and notes of love kept pouring in all week. Thank you, everyone!

A Night Out with E

2011-03-31T18:50:00.000-04:00

Just wanted to say thank you to my most wonderful friend. We spent the night eating, laughing, and trying to get ourselves in trouble. Unfortunately we couldn't find the Henna Tattoo shop. Oh well. We did get to see Beastly, which I really liked. Not Oscar worthy, mind you, but a good movie to see with an even better friend.

Thanks, E, for being so wonderful! I hadn't laughed that hard in such a long time. Love you!

Visiting Utah: Saying Good-bye to Ian (Mar 22)

2011-03-22T14:17:00.000-04:00

We were so grateful we could be there for Ian's mission farewell. We all know it's difficult being away from family, especially during those big life events. I'm glad this is one we didn't have to miss. These are the final pics we have of Ian before he became Elder D.

Love this pic.

He's a lot bigger than I remember, lol.

This one is to remember when it began... at least in my memory.
My little Ian grew up to become a wonderful young man and missionary.

Visiting Utah: Burns Family Fun (Mar 19-21)

2011-03-21T14:09:00.000-04:00

Little Sophie. The shirt says it all!

Charlie. Studly shy or shy stud?

Deb and Sarah (aka Rarah... I love nicknames that comes from being kids being unable to say a name! Like Rarah and Yay-Ya. Rarah will be one of my favs forever. I have even accidentally called my friend Sara by that name!)

Yo, yo! Wa' sup!

Playing with the camera.

Miss Ashley, our resident dancer. :)
Plus Joe's cute butt! At least... I think it's Joe.

Captain Grumpy Pants. Aka Papa, Pops, Dad, & Jim

Malorie.

Joe's usual picture face.

Picture Time!
The following pics all took place at Fuddruckers after a very successful, very awesome family photo shoot. LOVED the photographer! (So much, in fact, that I forgot his name, lol. I'll find it and post it here. He really was amazing and I love how all the pics turned out. Thank you, Jimmy & Marla, for making that happen!)

Ian. Our soon-to-be missionary.

Natalie, Jake & Cooper.

Three of the teens (Ian & Taylor picture here) decided to take the Fuddrucker challenge. Crazy, I tell you, crazy.

Ryan before he digs in to the way-too-much food.

Ian chowing down on the big burger. Way too much cow for me!

I added this one because I knew Natalie would LOVE me for it!

Our trio of challenge burgers.

Marla cheering for Ryan.

Lyndze and Ryan.

Taylor got so sick from all that food she ended up here. Poor thing!

No one was able to complete the entire meal, but they all gave it a valiant effort!

Visiting Utah: Bowling with the Burns (Mar 18)

2011-03-18T12:35:00.000-04:00

My man!

Getting ready to bowl!

Nana and Papa (aka Mom & Dad, aka Jim & Connie)

Jake & Cooper.

Jimmy with the girls.

Natalie struttin' her stuff for me.

Papa & Sophie.

Ian. The REAL reason we came to Utah.
Thanks to Jim & Connie we were able to make it for his mission farewell.

Connie gets a strike! Had no idea that woman could bowl. Watch out, world!

Everyone enjoying the evening.

Papa strutting back to his seat. He and Connie make quite the Dynamic Duo :)

Boy cousins. What more can I say? They are ADORABLE together!

Cooper.

Ian. Things he won't be doing on a mission ;)

More of my beloved Natalie. Rarr! I love that girl!

Group shot.

Had no idea bowling could be so fun. We played two games and loved having everyone participate. We missed Marla, though! She left earlier that day to run a marathon. We're so proud of her and her dedication. She is amazing! Sad she couldn't be with as at the alley, but happy for her accomplishment!

Visiting Utah: Joe Arrives (Mar 16-17)

2011-03-17T12:18:00.000-04:00

Whenever we travel to Utah we have such limited time for Joe to visit everyone. I try to stay an extra week to make up for the lack of time the kids get with Joe, but it never seems like enough. He's such a popular guy! This time was so short I even forgot to get pictures at every one's house. Sorry team! I'll do better next time. I know he loves all the kids so very much!

Joe with Chloe, Bryant and Brooklyn.

Chlo-bear

Bry-guy

Brooklyn

Tossing the kids around, hehe.

Bryant imploring Joe not to leave. We love you, Bry!
We'll bring Joe back again... hopefully sooner than later.

Visiting Aunt Mary. It's never a trip to Utah without seeing her! Love you Aunt Mary!

Visiting Utah: Dinner with Grandma Porter (Mar 13)

2011-03-13T11:35:00.000-04:00

I'll admit it. I took these for granted when I lived in Utah. Attending the monthly dinner at Grandma's house was a chore and I definitely under-appreciated all she went through to make them special. The decorations. The labor intensive dinners. The after-meal activities. Really, Grandma? But this trip was different. This trip I saw that all these things equalled love. It's not Gma P trying to show off. It's just Gma P showing she cares. Because this is how she does it. If I were to give her a label I'd say she was a "Martha."

As I look back at all these pictures I cry. Because I don't have the red, white, and blue decor for the 4th of July. I won't get the rusty colors of late summer or the pumpkins in October or the turkeys at Thanksgiving. I won't get to sit at a table full of more than 20 people who I love with children running around and screaming. I won't get to stand in line for food and jabber with the person standing next to me while Grandma explains again that the small plates are for salad. I'll be first, maybe second in line for food and sit at a table without decorations and share my meal with just one of the people I love. And Grandma won't be there to put her arms around me, smile into my eyes and tell me that she's proud of me.

So bring on the parade. Grandma's is a place to know you're loved. She shows it in every single decoration and dinner. Grandma's dinner = I love you.

All the nieces: Kazia, Chloe, Brooklyn, Charlee & Jade.

My little princesses.

Oops! Lost one! Jade's probably off slaying a dragon. :)

My fabulous extended family.

Ya, we're a bit creepy.

He's ready for his closeup...

My Chlo-bear!

We celebrated my birthday since I wouldn't be there in April.
My mom made her delicious banana cream pie. Mmmmm!

Me & Charlee.
Note to self: Get more one-on-one pics with each of the kids.

Visiting Utah: ME Day & Chuckee Cheese (Mar 9-12)

2011-03-12T11:34:00.000-05:00

On the plane.

"Me Day" ...my before picture at the Dressing Your Truth Salon. I was SOOO excited for this visit!

The after. I LOVE my hair!!! Still do. I don't trust anyone to color it out here so I'm saving my shekels for another trip to Utah. hehe ;)

I'm told Charlee looks like me? What do you think? Either way, she is adorable!

And her gorgeous older sister, Brooklyn. I miss these girls!

Ya-ya at Chuckee Cheese (hell on earth for adults but a child's paradise)

And this is how my brothers do Chuckee Cheese. (I'm just mad I didn't bring any of my toys!)

Moms chillin' at the Cheese. Erin, Brenda and Cooper.

I love my brother Mike! This pic says LOADS about his personality.

My newest nephew Cooper. I might be biased, but all my siblings (and their spouses!) make the cutest kids ever!

Grandma and Kader.

Jade is such a character! Just like her dad!

Finally Mike caves to Jason & Jon's example. Where's my headset?!?

It's good to see family and spend time with the kids. I miss everyone more than I thought I would (no offense! lol). It's especially hard to see the kids growing in leaps and bounds between my visits, knowing that I'm missing out on all their experiences.

Dinking Around Ellicott City

2011-03-05T18:24:00.001-05:00

Ellicott City is a little city of really old buildings with cute shops and restaurants. Just for fun (because I'd never been and I LOVE old buildings) Joe and I decided to head down there with our friends the Cechinis.

I loved this sign so much I had to snap a picture. An attitude of gratitude. Every time I see the pic I smile. :)

Feeling the Love!

2011-02-14T15:04:00.004-05:00

I am so grateful for the wonderful family and friends we have in our lives. Thank you... and I love you dearly!

Heart-attacked by my friends Altheda, Claralyn, Erin and Sara.
Thank you ladies!

They came last night and decorated my front door.

I love you too! SOOOO much!

Then I got these awesome Valentines in the mail from the Burns kiddos.
They ALWAYS take time to send us holiday wishes. Thanks for making us feel so special!

From Ashley.

From Sarah.

From Charlie.

From baby Sophie. I love the hand. SO cute!

As if that wasn't enough love, my friend Chantel stopped by to spread more love (and goodies!) Mmmm... the cookies were delicious! (No pics... I ate them too quickly).

She made this beautiful decoration for me! It has a perma spot on my desk!

And she MADE this GORGEOUS necklace for me. She is SO talented.
Thanks Chantel! I LOVE this!!!! It adorns my neck at this very moment!

YUMMY cookies from my friend Meagan. Seriously. I ate half of the plate before remembering to take a picture!

Don't worry... I left a FEW for Joe!

Spending some Valen-time with my sis, Erin via World of Warcraft. We had a romantic picnic together in Orgrimmar. hehe

For one "Love is in the Air" quest we had to get slammed (Xy got so drunk she puked 3 times!), spray ourselves with perfume, throw rose petals over the cockroach vendor, Jeremiah Payson, and then give him a big kiss. It was awesome. Or maybe you have to be a gamer to understand? The best part... turns out I can hold my liquor. Wonder if that transfers into real life, lol? Guess I'll never know.

My chick, Chippiie, is on the left and Erin's gal, Xylanriah, is waving on the right.
(I thought I got some better shots of the two of us but apparently I was hitting the "insert key" instead of "print screen." That's like keeping the lens cap on while taking pictures.)

Happy Anniversary! (...Oh! and Valentine's Day!)

2011-02-14T12:59:00.000-05:00

10 years ago today (this evening to be precise), Joe proposed to me and I said yes. That's a decade. And I can still say it's the best decision I've ever made. I love you, sweet man. Thank you for asking me... and for accepting me as I am.

Love you to pieces!

Deb

To everyone else in the world, Happy Valentine's Day! Hope it's as special as mine has been and always will be. :)

Yes... I am a writer

2011-01-27T09:05:00.000-05:00

Hello. My name is Debbie and I am a writer.

There. I said it. Out loud. It's really weird telling people you know that you're a writer. It brings a various set of reactions from excitement that I'm living my dreams all the way to anger that I'm not helping to provide for my family by getting a "real" job.

But honestly, a "real" job isn't in the cards for me right now. PTSD has made sure of that and, YES, I am still battling with PTSD. It's been over two years and I still wake in silent screams from nightmares of being shot, stabbed, murdered and a whole plethora of other unpleasant things. But that's a different story for a whole different post.

Ok, so writing. I am NOT published at this time, but I have started four different WIPs (meaning "works in progress") for full-length novels and two different short stories. Mostly I've been focusing on learning the craft and improving my writing. I've also been building an "official" online writing presence--a must for aspiring authors. Not only do publishers like to see it, but I've discovered that being a part of the writing community has taught me OODLES more than I ever could have learned on my own. The writers out there are AMAZING and I am blessed to know them. The journey has been incredible so far and I look forward to a lifetime of learning.

Some happy news that I wanted to share is that I placed in a mini writing contest. There were 83 entries and I made it into the top ten honorable mentions! I am ecstatic! I didn't win anything (besides a great critique), in case you are wondering. But it helped me see that I do have talent. So, if you're interested, pop over to ATONEMENTS on my writing blog to read my entry. It's the first 500 words from one of my novels. I hope you enjoy!

Thanks for letting me share. :) Feels good "admitting" to my new addiction and life long dream!

Chalkboard Wall of Awesome

2011-01-27T08:39:00.000-05:00

So I've been earning a little bit of money via sewing and decided to put the cash to good use in creating my chalkboard wall of awesome. I needed something to help me with story boarding and this seemed just the ticket. Oh... and it's MAGNETIC! Yeppers. It's a whole wall of chalkboard, magnetic goodiness! So today, while it snows and blows outside, I'll be in my office enjoying my wall of awesome!

Story boarding.

You can see the magnets at work on the right.

One of my favorite parts... adding inspiration. Using a picture for inspiration, I free handed this on the wall. LOVE drawing with chalk!

* For pics taking you through the entire process, check out this post on my official writing blog (yes, I have another blog).

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

2011-01-27T08:32:00.000-05:00

Seems winter doesn't arrive around here until almost February. We had flurries for Christmas but all that snow I've been trying to hold off via prayers and voodoo (just kidding about the latter) has finally arrived. About 8 inches fell last night. I know, not a lot, but it was enough to close Maryland for the day. The upside is that Joe gets to stay home today! Woot! We may even take the dogs for a walk later. Maybe. We'll see if that really happens. I'm thinking it's time for me to get some winter boots. Flip flops and sneakers just aren't cutting it in this weather!

This is the path out of our front door. Well... now it's a tree outside our front door.

It really is beautiful!

This tree is normally hidden behind the side of the townhouse.

I'm amazed at how much bending it can do without breaking.

Birthday Bust

2011-01-13T12:04:00.000-05:00

Joe's birthday was last Sunday and let's just say it was doomed from the start. Not only was it on a Sunday, but it was on stake conference Sunday and we were supposed to be participating in the stake choir (which meant no out-of-town trips). So Saturday evening we decided to sneak in a little celebration instead of attending the adult stake conference session. We went to Pei Wei (which is only a big deal because I HATE Pei Wei... but it was his birthday so I lovingly and graciously agreed... hehe). Then we tried to run a few places afterward while we were out and about. The time is 6:30pm.... Costco (for a rockband ottoman) closed, Library (for desired book) closed, Redbox (for desire movie that the internet said was available) movie gone, and finally back to home by 7pm to finish out the evening with a little WoW time.

Then Sunday arrives and with it a sore throat and fever for my beloved. So we missed stake conference anyway, spent the day sleeping or playing WoW, and had a rather uneventful time of things.

I usually try to make Joe's birthday super special... but this year it was a birthday bust. Sorry Joe! I promise to make up for it next year!

Random Puppy Pics

2011-01-13T12:00:00.001-05:00

Don't ask me why I still call them puppies. They are full fledged (and super fat) adults now. But here are some recent pics of the dogs.

He Needs a Haircut... He REALLY Needs a Haircut

2011-01-13T11:55:00.000-05:00

So Joe had a little cancer spot on his head that had to be removed a couple months ago. Because it was on his scalp we couldn't bandage it and we had to be SUPER careful with washing, brushing, CLIPPING, or touching his hair/head. So he went FOREVER without a haircut. And it shows. Finally, right before New Years, he gave me an AWESOME gift by letting me cut his hair (back on 12/29/10). This may not seem like a big deal, but he let me trim it about 3 months into our marriage, I messed up, and he hasn't let me touch his hair since. Almost TEN years! I was nervous, excited, scared, excited and nervous. I finally understood how my sister felt when she cut my hair. I was so worried about whether or not he would like the final product! It took me about an hour (ya, I'm slow), but I think the final result was worth it. There is definitely room for improvement, but I was happy with the result. Best part... he agreed to let me cut it again!!!

I have to thank my sister, Suzanne, for teaching me how to cut guys hair. She is AMAZING in her trade and I feel so grateful for the time she took teaching me. Thank you, Suz-Q! You are so incredibly talented and I appreciate that you would share your gift with me! I still miss having you to cut my hair. I haven't found anyone as good as you! (And thank you to Jon for being my Guinea pig when Joe refused, hehe).

Some pics of the before and after... notice the small animal I was able to sweep up after the hair cut.

1/1/11... why does that just tickle me pink?

2011-01-01T17:12:00.001-05:00

I think humans are funny creatures, myself more than included. There is something about patterns that make most of us giddy. Like posting today so that I could have a post on 1-1-11... because it will be a century before that happens again (but only 11 years and some change until 2-2-22!). I find it interesting that we get so excited about little, insignificant moments like this and yet many of us are quick to overlook the more significant moments of the present--the here and now--because we don't see the novelty in it.

Like the smile Joe gave me today when I told him part of me says "FU" (literally... "F" and "U") to his assumptions that my OCD-ness is learned and not genetic, because I felt he was invalidating me. Silly, I know. But it marked huge progress for me and displayed once again how lucky I am to be married to a man who understands my needs better than I do. He was actually proud of me for speaking up. I'll see his smile again, but that moment will never be repeated... not even in a century.

Or the moment he nonchalantly said he'd clean the toilet before we go to bed tonight. That one may be repeated in another decade, but today it meant the world to me. It's been my job to clean the toilet since I was 7. Literally. That gives me more than 20 years on-the-job training and experience. Yet today, Joe saw my need and took over, even though he already has so much on his plate.

Or the moment we sat at the computer together, figuring how much paint & magnetic additive I would need to create a magno-wall in my office. Holding hands, reading descriptions, calculating square footage. Just the two us... free from everything else in the world... for just a few minutes.

I could list the hugs, the winks, the kisses, the words, and the acts that each carry their own moment of awesomeness and wonder yet lack the appeal of a 1-1-11 tag. Moments I need to record and remember. Moments that speak of love and tenderness and the thrill of becoming closer as a couple or as a family. If the truth were to be made known, Joe is my 1-1-11... or better, my 2-2-2222. He is special, unique, never to be duplicated. He makes me giddy just thinking about him and makes me want to write about his awesomeness. He is my pattern for "getting it right" or just getting it at all. He's always something to look forward to, whether I'm waking up or waiting for him to get home from work. And he's always something to remember with joy.

I thought this post would be about our Candy Land Showdown or Yahtzee World Cup from last night, but it turns out it's about that man who makes this moment and every moment more special than 1-1-11. Thank you Joe. I hope you know how much I love you and how important you are to me. And yes, babe, I even love the moment you got more excited than a kid on Christmas because I said I'd play World of Warcraft with you. Especially that moment, because I could finally do something that brought YOU joy.

Love you with all my heart.

Best wishes to all our friends and family for 2011! I hope you'll look for the "1-1-11" in each moment throughout the year.

And just in case you wanted them, here are the pics from last night! (I totally kicked his trash in Candy Land!)

The board has changed, but the tension hasn't! So much riding on little deck of cards!

Poor guy got sent back to the ginger man's square TWICE!

Joe's game winning Yahtzee!

At least I got a Full House.

He was right... I am totally addicted to Goblins!

Gotta LOVE the Mohawk!

Happy New Year!

2010-12-31T20:51:00.000-05:00

I'm looking forward to 2011. Odd years are usually my best years. I don't know if that's just self-fulfilling prophecy or the fact that so much less is expected of odd years vs. their even counterparts. Whatever the reason, they are my favs. I also love the beginning of anything (the week, month, year) because I feel like I have a fresh start... an opportunity to be something new, to replace bad habits with better ones, and to look forward without worrying about all the baggage I "should be" carrying. I feel like 2011 might give me that chance. Can it be like magic? The clock strikes 12 and miraculously failures fade away into the brightness of new dreams and new adventures to be had. I hope so. That's what I'm holding my breath for. An opportunity to start fresh and try again. To cut back on all the failed goals of 2010 and reach the simple, well defined goals of 2011. I suppose only time will tell.

Happy new year to all our friends and family. We love you and we miss you... especially tonight.

Loves & hugs,

Deb

Gingerbread Houses of Awesome

2010-12-23T12:04:00.000-05:00

So our friends the Cechini's had us over to make Gingerbread Houses. And while mine is your traditional house with Hershey Kiss Pine Trees, Joe's morphed into the Trailer of Awesome, complete with pink flamingo, inflatable palm tree and lawn chair. The beer cans didn't make it through the move from their house to ours, but I hope you can appreciate his design! Loving it!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2010-11-25T10:26:00.000-05:00

I can't help but be grateful for...

Joseph
Thank you for your love, patience, hope and belief that someday I will conquer this. Thank you for holding my hand as I walk this path. Thank you for taking us across the country to discover new places, people and things. Thank you for being the other half of this incredible marriage. I am happy because of you.

Josser & Journey
Thank you for having patience when I'm angsty and for being the best cuddle buds when I'm not feeling well. I love you, even if the rest of the world thinks you want to eat them! I know the truth... you are simply the most loving, cuddly dogs on the planet who happen to think they are also lap dogs despite their 80 & 55 lb weights.

Friends
I hope you know who you are... if you don't, I'm not doing my job. I love you. You make my life, my progress and my happiness possible. I am grateful for your support and encouragement. I'm grateful for your honesty and clarity. I am grateful you let me serve you when I can. I'm grateful you are mine (muhahahaha!), even if I do have to share you with the rest of the world. I am grateful for your examples that, regardless of you being near or far, bless me every day. And I'm SO VERY THANKFUL I can be myself, in all my awkward glory, and you love me anyway.

Family
I didn't know I could miss you this much! I love you. I love being related to you. I love learning how important you are to me. I love your MANY DIFFERENT personalities that sometimes clash, but often compliment the rest of the family. My life wouldn't be the same without you. I'm grateful for our experiences together. I'm grateful that as crappy as things may have been (or maybe are right now), that at least we've shared those experiences together. It really is a blessing to have someone to talk to who was in the trenches with me. Someone I can bounce memories off of and reactions to those memories. Thank you for helping me to piece my life back together. Thank you for encouraging me in my pursuits. And though I don't often share what is actually happening in my life, thank you for your willingness to listen when I do.

Church
I am grateful for an organization that made sure we had a place to go when we moved out here. I am grateful for a ward family who has encircled us in their love from the moment we arrived. I'm grateful for home and visiting teachers who check up on us. For a bishopric that cares. For Relief Society and Elders Quorum presidencies who go the extra mile. For friends and leaders and teachers who serve each other with such love and selflessness. I know why they Lord brought us to Maryland... so we could be with you. He knew I'd need you... that we'd need you. Thank you for listening to His voice.

Jesus Christ
I am learning to understand you and your Atonement. I didn't know as much as I thought I did and I know even less about applying what I knew. But I am grateful for your patience. Grateful that you are willing to wait outside my door while I figure out how to open the ~~damn~~ darn thing. I am grateful for your infinite Atonement that allows me to seek and receive oneness with the godhead instead of oneness with the adversary. I am grateful that through you I am blessed with the ability to overcome temporal death, the first spiritual death and, if I am repent (which I really am trying to be!), the second spiritual death as well. I am grateful for the strength you grace provides. Thankful that, although I am too weak to walk this path alone, through you I know I can make it to the end. Thanks for watching over me. Thank you for providing all the people in my life who help save me every day. Thank you for caring about one insignificant human being... one of the billions who need your help. I often don't understand why you care, but I am eternally grateful that you do. Thank you, Jesus, for saving me... for loving me... and for showing me the way to return home. Hopefully someday soon I'll figure out how to give my burdens--and myself--over to you.

Heavenly Father
Mi Padre Celestial. Oh Father! I am so grateful for you this day. Grateful for your presence and your blessings in my life. Grateful for your plan that allows someone like me the chance to be like you. Thank you for providing a Savior. His sacrifice reminds me how much you love me. You know the things of my heart... all the experiences I am recalling even as I type this. Thank you for those. Thank you for being my Father when my earthly one wasn't available... and thank you for bringing him back to me so I can have him now, even if I couldn't have him as a child. Thank you for reminding me of your love. And thank you for creating trees... the big, beautiful, leafy trees that sway outside my window in colors of gold and fire. You knew I'd love them because you knew me so well... you still do. Thank you for staying close even though I try to move far away.

Me
Sounds funny, doesn't it? To be grateful for one's self. But I am grateful. I am grateful that today I can accept myself. I am grateful I'm alive and a member of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I am grateful that I am still trying, even when I want to give up. I am grateful I have come this far--climbed this high--even though I have a much longer journey in front of me. I am grateful that I can love others and am hopeful I can learn to love myself with the same intensity. I am grateful I can serve others. Grateful that in some small way I can make a difference in someone else's life. I am grateful I like reading and writing. Thankful for the release those two hobbies give me. Mostly I am grateful that somehow, all the different parts of me are starting to work together--memories, thoughts, emotions, etc. It's good to be on the same page. It's nice to feel things slowly click into place. So yes. I am grateful for me and grateful to be me... at least for today.

Eeeeek!

2010-11-07T09:37:00.000-05:00

There are some pretty trippy bugs out on the East Coast. One I discovered while camping (which I think followed me home) and the other is a nasty spider whose web we tore down three nights in a row only to discover a larger web the next morning. On the final night Joe found the spider. Thankfully he was the one who saw it first and hurried me inside before I saw a thing. Just looking at the picture makes my skin crawl!

Behold! The SPIDER CRICKET (top) and the EVIL SPIDER (bottom)!

Just because I like to tease Joe...

2010-11-07T09:27:00.000-05:00

I know... I know... make a post already!

2010-09-17T09:16:00.004-04:00

I am so behind it's ridiculous. The thought of going back and trying to catch up on the family visits, funerals, vacations and regular life stuff seems daunting. I'm not sure where I stand on the whole thing. Do I scrap it? Do I spend 3 days trying to recreate history? Do I do something in the middle... a list of sorts... maybe with pictures?

But my mind isn't on lists or pictures or recent events today. I find I'm thinking a lot about my past, present, and (mostly) my future.

Past
How much am I allowing my past experiences to define who I am in this moment? People say we have a choice in our response to events. But I am discovering that is not always the case. Or maybe it is... with training and a LOT of practice. I've had some training, but I'm still working on the practice part. And what about the people from my past who I just don't find beneficial for my present? Am I allowed to remove them from my life? To tell them, "You don't make the cut. Sorry. Maybe next time. Move along."? And who gives me that permission? I may say it's okay, but then it is I who am judged by others for my choices. Where is the "man behind the curtain" who can tell me "yes" so that when others point their fingers I can say, "Ask him! He told me I could!"

Present
One spouse. Two dogs. Zero job. A sterile town home with a cute fenced patio that smells of dog. I like it in Maryland. It feels like home in a way that Utah never could. I'm realizing that has a lot to do with me and my perceptions of my old hunting ground. But does that really matter? Point is I didn't feel like myself in the mountains of Zion. In the forests of Maryland I can actually breathe. And I like it. But I still feel in limbo. Like things aren't quite settled for us. Does that mean a move? A new job?

My tummy is growing every day. One HUGE mushroom top rolling over pants. Everyone talks about your boobs sagging as you get older. No one warned me about the "miracle grow" belly. I keep wishing it meant I had a baby inside. But it doesn't. It's just fat and wishful thinking. The upside is that I have a spouse who loves me, rolls, mushroom top and all. He never judges, criticizes, or says things like, "I'm glad you keep yourself in shape." Which to me is just a nicer way of saying, "I'm glad you're not fat. Don't get fat." Nope. Not Joe. He's super good to me.

I read a post somewhere that talked about marriage being boring and asking if women were satisfied. I didn't like how it made me feel as I read the comments. I am happy in marriage. Not just "happy" as in "happy valley" or "we are a happy family" happy, but honesty, truly, DEEPLY happy. I felt bad for these women. Does happy mean my marriage is perfect, with movie star sex and Barnes and Noble discussions? No. That would be just plain silly. But I have a husband who compliments (not completes) me. His strengths balancing out my weaknesses and vice versa. Do I sometimes think I should run away to some remote island where no one can find me? YEP! I do. But then I feel sad, because I know that Joe is the one who gets me to smile, who can help change my mind, and, as he puts it, is the "butterflies in my stomach."

Future
But what to do with me in the future? What is my purpose? Or what purpose should I create for myself? I LOVE writing. I am enjoying the push and pull of wordsmithing. Of creating emotion in others, either helping them to feel what I feel or what an imaginary character is feeling. That is awesome! I love getting my ideas on paper, watching as stories and histories take shape. I'm creating worlds! And people! Romance and adventure! And darkness... lots and lots of darkness. Opposition for characters to overcome.

I love blogging. The interchange of thoughts between people at any distance. I love Cheer and Bless. Sharing my testimony and my thoughts about religion in a safe and positive way. I love learning from others who stop by to make a comment. I LOVE comments. It's just nice knowing that someone out there in the world hears you. That, in some small way, you've connected with someone beyond the four walls of your home.

But are either of these things feasible for me? If I never got paid... never received another comment... would it be enough for me? I love writing & blogging... but is it practical. Especially when we are struggling financially. We NEED my income... which is difficult because I can't CREATE an income. I want to believe PTSD is just an excuse for not being responsible... that would mean I could do it... I could work. But it's not an excuse. It's a way of living that I'm still trying to figure out.

What does the future hold? Children? Job satisfaction? Publishing? Bucket lists? Travel and adventure? Or 30 more years of waking up, eating, blogging to the emptiness of the Internet, writing things that may never see the light of day, and then going back to sleep. Maybe... and maybe I'm okay with that! But if not, how do I change my stars?

So ya. Maybe I'll catch up tomorrow. Maybe I'll be starting another novel. Or maybe I'll be looking at the stars. Who knows... nothing says the last two need to be mutually exclusive!

Good-bye Grandpa

2010-09-01T08:24:00.000-04:00

Grandpa Porter passed away on Sunday, August 29, 2010 around 3:03p. I missed the call so I didn't hear about it until Jimmy called because he saw something on facebook. I know it seems horrible, to learn about your grandpa's death via facebook, but I'm kind of glad. If it wasn't for the social media, I may not have found out until much, MUCH later. Maybe even Monday. So, while I wish someone would have tried Joe's phone, I am glad Jimmy saw Erin's note and thought to give us a call... at least that way I knew the night it happened.

I've written a couple of letters to Grandpa Porter for various things, so I thought I'd just link to those instead of re-writing. I seem to be all tapped out of words at the moment.

Eternal Families: A Letter to My Grandpa (recent)

Happy Birthday Grandpa (old post)

New Friend! WOOF!

2010-08-24T21:00:00.000-04:00

Josser and Journey made a NEW FRIEND! I know, amazing and impossible all at the same time. Our friends, the Cechini's, recently got a new lab puppy they named California. She's ADORABLE! Anyway, they were brave enough to let us introduce her to Team Chaos. (Thank you!) It was a little touch and go at first (as Josser seemed more willing to eat her than be friends with her), but Journey came to the rescue. We ended up separating the dogs and, while Joe walked the energy out of Joss, we helped Cali and Journey to be friends. Mission accomplished! Then we let Journey introduce Cali to Josser and VOILA, we had our little pack of pit bulls and a lab walking in the woods together. I think WE ALL got a good work out that night! I'm just glad that Josser was able to meet a new dog. We are SO grateful to those who'll give him a chance, even if he is crazy like me!

Journey getting to know Cali a little bit better, hehe.

"Hi... nice to meet you." Aren't you glad we don't say hi this way?

Playing on the porch.

Journey spies the cat, Charlie.

Dogs will be... nuts? It was entertaining watching Joe try to handle so many dogs at once!

Trying to say good-bye. Not sure if Team Chaos just wanted to go inside with their new friend or if they finally decided they wanted to eat the cat.

Cuddling on the Couch: A dog story

2010-08-06T13:04:00.001-04:00

A very SHORT dog story.

Once upon a time there were two dogs that, although they loved to wrestle and bark at any non-existent stranger together, they detested touching each other while relaxing. If one accidentally brushed against the other, both would shoot up and head to opposite sides of the couch, bed, floor, or house. Heaven forbid they spread the oh-so-terrible-and-deadly-girl/boy-coodies! One day, however, the wonderful fairy pet-mother discovered that while under the influence of magical cinnamon bears they forgot all about the evil girl/boy coodies that had previously caused them so much concern. And so it was that the magical bears were distributed generously in order that the Josser-dog and Journey-miester could come together in one magical moment of picture taking. And though we don't know if they lived happily ever after yet, we DO know that they didn't die from cuddling on the couch! The end!

Pic 1: Close up

Pic 2: Wide shot

So Joe thinks it's time for an updated photo of the dogs to grace our blog site, but I can't decide between the above. The vote is left to you! Which one... pic 1 or 2? Vote now and see your favorite, in all its glory, take its place among the amazingly awesome family hall of fame on the side bar, lol.

Playing with Journey

2010-08-05T10:34:00.001-04:00

Grabbed a couple of shots and a short video (which won't load) of Journey playing in the water. Joe turned on the hose to clean out Josser's old kennel and we discovered this girl LOVES water! He could barely get the kennel sprayed down because Journey kept jumping in the way. When she's not totally annoying Josser, she is definitely making us all laugh, hehe.

Josser has NEVER done this. One more trick for Journey to teach him.

Josser just isn't sure... I think he thinks she crazy.

Newest Addition to the Fam: Journey

2010-08-01T18:22:00.000-04:00

So I made the "mistake" of agreeing to see some rescue dogs without the intent to buy. What was I thinking?!? I should have known better, but I'm really glad I went. We've been thinking about getting Josser a doggie friend for quite some time... a dog he can play with, be a dog with and cuddle with when we aren't around. Most dogs are afraid of him (almost as much as he is afraid of them!) so we decided to find a permanent addition to the family. And we were lucky enough to find her at our first stop! She is a Pit Bull, like Josser, and came from a kid home with other dogs. Though she has a bit more energy than Joss, she has already been awesome at teaching him to ride in a car without whining and taking a bath without freaking out in the tub. It was so funny to watch him puff up his chest and give me the look like "Oh yeah! You think that was a good bath, watch this!" He even got in the bath all on his own!

Anyway, we were also blessed that the rescue shelter was having a deal on Pit Bulls. For under $100 we got our sweet Journey complete with all her shots, spade, 6 weeks of follow up training, a free vet appointment, and an easy-walk harness. We totally scored!

She's been high energy all day today, but we feel she'll be an awesome companion and pet.

Teaching Josser how to play like a real dog.

It didn't take long for him to catch on!

They're already fighting over who gets to sit with "Daddy."

I couldn't resist the tongue shot :)

Hugs all the way around!

That's usually Josser's spot. So far he's been the gentleman... but I don't think that is going to last too long!

He is so handsome! (And Joe's cute too, hehehe).

Journey.

A better shot of her mask.

Making herself right at home. It's almost like we've had her forever... almost. Sleeping arrangement should be interesting tonight!

Camp Pics: THE END

2010-07-10T16:54:00.003-04:00

Bet you never thought this would come! Check out the sign in the window. Hehehehe...

Camp Pics: Headed Home!

2010-07-10T16:53:00.001-04:00

Our last day was filled mostly with joy. Girls and leaders alike were excited to get back to their homes, families, beds and showers. I just wanted a McDonald's! Thankfully Joe knew better and took me to Subway for my first real meal. He didn't even say a word when I went for the Sour Cream and Onion chips... perhaps it was the wild look in my eyes!

I don't think I'll ever get tired of those eyes!

Can you love someone too much? What I'd really like to do is create a line for Build-A-Bear called, "The YW Collection"--complete with voice recordings of their favorite sayings.

The bus did get mighty hot! We all roasted and ran out of water.

Picture taken with permission! Katie fell asleep on the way home from camp and actually FELL OFF the bench. It was hysterical! I'm glad she is such a good sport.

Camp Pics: The Leaders I LOVE

2010-07-10T16:46:00.000-04:00

More to be added. But here is what I have so far...

Sister Alder, Stake YW Counselor. I know you've seen her, but I had to include her again. I love this woman with my whole life! She was assigned as my visiting teaching companion before I knew her as a Stake YW counselor. The Lord really knew what he was doing when He gave her to me!

Sister Cooper, Stake YW President. She is lovely and amazing and really gives her whole heart to this calling and to the young women. I am grateful for her leadership, love and support.

Sister Johnson, Stake YW Camp Director. She has dedicates so much of her life to this calling! Can you believe they begin almost the day after camp is finished to plan for next year? Simply sweet and oh so amazing. Thank you, Sister Johnson, for all your dedication to girls camp!

Sister Strickland, helper. What a joy! She joined us on the second level hike and I am SO glad she did! I love her feisty-ness and her down to earth approach for everything. No drama here! I am grateful for the time I had to get to know her and for her service during camp. Not only did she assist with the fun activities, she also helped out in the kitchen whenever needed.

Oh my dear, sweet Lisa! Sister Hagedorn (or Sister Hagrid... because she's so tall, hehe), was the most wonderful Level Leader anyone could ask for. We didn't know each other before camp, but I am grateful the Lord moved me over to her level. She was SPECTACULAR, FABULOUS, AMAZING, and AWESOME. We laughed so hard the entire week. She was good to me and my "dori-like" brain. And though she had to remind me to go to the bathroom or brush my teeth, she always stayed sweet and helped me feel loved. I couldn't have made it through this week without her and her smiling countenance. I really do love you, Lisa and never want to do camp without you in the future!

That's my girl!

Meg leading out in the stake's program. The talks were amazing! Any person listening would have been edified. I know I was. More than this group of ladies will ever know.

The two criminal masterminds hanging out in front of our cabin.

Best time ever!

A shot of the inside. If you look carefully at the window you'll notice we got "TPd." It was so cute. A little bird told me it was Ryen and Stephanie. Thank you, girls, for making us feel special. We love you!

Camp Pics: Hiking and Nature Time

2010-07-10T16:30:00.000-04:00

We actually did these on two separate days. The hike was Day 2 and nature time was Day 3. I thought it was a little silly at first, seeing as how we spent a WHOLE LOT OF TIME in nature on Day 2, but the place to where Hannah took us for nature time was amazing! It felt like we were sitting on top of a spring to the soul, where the Spirit simply bubbled up to overwhelm you. I took pics of the girls sitting in the amphitheater, but forgot to turn around and take a pic of the amazing view. Maybe next year. It really was beautiful!

Breaking for our hike midway through. I didn't get any pics on the way down... was too busy trying NOT to get lost!

Our awesome YCLs.

A spot in the sun. It looked so alluring via this angle I had to join them!

A little bridge on the way home.

Jessica and Autumn.

Sarah. You can almost hear here... "Sister Burns!"

This was actually taken on our way to nature time. Hannah took us to the not often used lower camp fire. LOVED IT! And, lucky us, we beat the 4th years there. Kaitlyn later informed me that she was being charitable as her group outnumbered us 3 to 1. Love that girl!

Sighting of the allusive Sister Cooper! Not really, she was everywhere! The girls ADORE here!

So gorgeous. The girls and the scenery. The picture doesn't do either justice.

The other side of the amphitheater.

Okay. I was naughty and snapped a couple of quick pics before testimony meeting on Friday. The flash gave me away. I think this is Meg's hint to stop taking pictures, lol. Wish I would have gotten one of the view. Oh well.

My last "testimony meeting" pic. Nothing like a flashing camera to make the Spirit go "hmmm."

Bannas of the World, UNITE!

2010-07-10T16:18:00.000-04:00

I just HAD to capture this on video. It was SO hilarious to me. That's me you hear giggling... okay, laughing loudly... in the background. Timeless!

Camp Pics: YCLs Lead the Way! ...Skit, Campfire & Challenges

2010-07-10T16:03:00.002-04:00

The YCLs really were the heart of camp this year. They were given the opportunity to be leaders and most, if not all of them, really took the reins and made camp and awesome experience! I love my YCLs!!!

Altheda. She's got skills!

Sarah. My saving grace on my "short" level 2 hike. Glad she stayed with me! The time getting to know her more was priceless!

Holy crap this girl made me laugh. Over and over and over. Hannah, you are my own brand of heroine! I'd take a shot of you any day of the week and then some! Love you girl!

Stephanie and Ryen. This is the pic that got me labled as a creeper. I understand that is a good thing... at least that's what Ryen's mom told me... maybe she was just trying to make me feel better! LOL. I LOVED having these two with me at camp!

Julia. Sweet, soft spoken, but oh so joyous! She and Sarah got to see the "real crazy" side of me when they opted to stay up in my cabin until 2am. Probably scarred them for life! hehehe

"On stage" for their skit.

Rachel, our sweet heroine!

Chowing down. I love awkward pics of other people! Don't you?

Hehehehe.

Campfire. A special time for bonding.

Gorgeous!

Oh my goodness I loved that these two girls were MY YCLs! Even if they did call me a creeper, hehehe.

All of us hanging round the fire.

Campfire day 2. Don't ask. lol

Mmmm. Does that smore taste good or what?!

Minute to win it, style!

Go Rachel! Go Altheda!

Camp Pics: 4th Years Away!... and Return?!?

2010-07-10T15:50:00.000-04:00

At camp they have a tradition of "sending off" the 4th years for their required overnight hike. We all lined up to wish them well. On their return, we do the same thing, only we line up by the pool. The 4th years come running back, drop all their bags, and jump in the pool (fully clothed!). I thought it was fun... especially the return. I mean, how often does one get to jump in a pool fully clothed, on purpose, and not get in trouble! Good think cell phones weren't allowed at camp, hehe.

Tunnel of love... waiting on the 4th years to pack up and move out.

Monika and Allison.

More second levels.

Here they come!

Fearless leader, Kaitlyn. She makes camping look hot! Rarr!

The return! One... two... three... jump!

Camp Pics: "Cone of Silence" and Flag Ceremony

2010-07-10T15:42:00.001-04:00

Twice a day we gathered at the flag pole for the raising or retiring of the flag. My level 2's were in charge so it was an opportunity for LOTS of pictures. The flag got stuck on more than one occasion and, eventually, we broke the pulley. Go us!

In order to congregate around the flag we first had to walk through what they call the "bridge of silence." It works well for getting the girls quiet and focused on the speaker. I accidentally called it the "cone of silence" (don't ask me why) and it stuck for the rest of the week.

Secret, unexplainable powers descend on all who enter via the Bridge of Silence, rendering all a passerby unable to speak! (Crazy, but true, hehe)

Hi ho, hi ho, around the pole we go!

Sister Shirffy, Genevieve, Marissa, Kaitlyn (whom I discovered as a new friend... seriously... she rocks!), and Sister Teerlink (assistance camp director).

Um... I'm pretty sure you're supposed to point the megaphone at the people. J/K.

I just really like this pic. J.S. was fun and so cute!

LOTS of flag pictures. These were my girls for the week! They were awesome flag people (I believe they are called color guard)!

Camp Pics: Getting There!

2010-07-10T15:33:00.000-04:00

Every year the stake buses the girls from the stake center in Maryland to Blue Knob state park in Pennsylvania. This is the first year they used school buses (as opposed to the fancy tour buses with AC and bathrooms they girls are accustomed to). I think it worked really well! (Then again, I wasn't on the bus, hehe).

Getting the troops on the buses. 1 to carry all the luggage (and do these girls bring luggage!) and 2 for the young women.

Oh the mayhem!

Paige and Allison. The sweetest level 2s you'll ever meet!

Waiting... and waiting... and waiting to get on the bus.

Aren't they adorable! Savanna and Madeline.

My Genevieve! Camp wouldn't be complete without her. My favorite all week...

Me: Ow! I have a terrible headache! >sniff sniff<

Genevieve: Sister Burns, it's choice and accountability.

Me: Huh?

Genevieve: You chose to stay up until 2am and now you have to be accountable for the consequence.

Me: Can't I AT LEAST get some sympathy?

Genevieve: I love you.

Kendra. So much love in her heart! If more people were as loving and kind as her, the world would be a better place.

Rachel and Kim. I think they were twins seperated at birth.

More pictures from the bus ride up.

Our fearless leaders making sure all girls are accounted for.

One of my bestest friends ever! Meagan took such good care of me while at camp. She protected me from bugs, put up with my whining, and actually sat by my stinky butt during campfire. I LOVE this girl! (And she's hot... but you can see that for yourself!)

The first girls off the bus. Phew! They made it!

Girls celebrating their arrival by meeting up with old friends and new faces.

Laura. Tres belle!

Sara. I LOVED having her in my level for camp! Turns out we need to get together for puzzles and some good old movies!

Level 2 in the house! (Or is it "in the mighty jungle.")

Savanna and Erin.

Beautiful Madeline.

Oh Erin, how I love you!

More YCL goodness! Ashley and Katie.

Beautiful beehives! Taylor and Melannee.

The newest to our ward, Allison. So glad she "defected" to our side, hehe!

Yo!

Radiant Rachel! She is my little ray of sunshine!

Rarr! Julia and Ashley.

Andrea. Another "transformer." She's more than meets the eye. I also call her my little Audrey Hepburn. She has the same timeless beauty and fashion sense.

I think the girls got sick of my picture taking by the end of day 1. Too bad there were five more days left! Muhahaha!

So huggable!

ROFL! Favorite pic ever!

These two together? I think I pee'd my pance more than once! I know I laughed until I cried!

Waiting for the first flag ceremony.

Melannee, Taylor and Lory. LOVED getting to know these girls up at camp!

Mother-daugther. It's the cycle, right? Neat being able to be the "fly on the wall" for moments like this!

Girls Camp: The Run-Down

2010-07-10T13:45:00.000-04:00

I've been torn between posting one entry per day or just doing an overall summary of camp. Looks like I've decided on the summary. Easier now that it's been a week and I'm already forgetting so many of the details that made camp wonderful.

Instead of boring you with the day to day details, I figured I'd just give some highlights... maybe things I've learned.

* I CAN go to the bathroom and only use 4 sheets of toilet paper. Probably too personal for a family blog, but I am REALLY excited about this one. We were lucky enough to have flushing toilets (and showers!) at camp, which were definitely better than the biffies I used as a teen; however, due to old plumbing and 100+ people using them, we were only supposed to use 4 sheets of TP per flush. Otherwise disastrous clogging and over filling could occur (as seen from others' mis-use of the TP). I learned a new skill and look forward to using LESS toilet paper at home, lol.
* Showering in flip flops makes you feel like you're showering with your clothes on. Over 100 girls using the same showers = GROSS! I won't even begin to describe the hair clumps and various nasty surprises in the stalls. Needless to say flip flops were a MUST! It was quite entertaining trying to undress and dress in said stalls without letting anything, including your own feet, touch the ground. And even after taking everything off, I still had to double check to make sure I also removed my underwear. Something about wearing shoes in the shower makes you feel like you're forgetting something. However, I am SUPER grateful we had showers. Every camp should have them, hehe.
* Sleeping bags are equivalent to saran wrap when it comes to marinating something in it's own juices. Every night I went to bed fairly campy but decent. Yet every morning I woke up feeling GROSS and stinky. What happens while I'm sleeping? Wait! Don't answer that! LOL. I am grateful to the Cechini's for lending me camping gear, otherwise it would have been me, the plywood and a blanket. I was SO unprepared for camp! Thanks, Annie, for getting me ready! (Complete with sleeping bag, lantern, air mattress, and insights into all the extras I should bring that they never told me about).
* I think I accidentally ended up at FAT camp rather than girls camp. First meal there (lunch) was ONE dollar sandwich with chicken salad and five grapes. I think we had one other side, but it must have been too small for me to remember. Another meal was a turkey sandwich with a side of 5 grapes and 2 chips (seriously! not exaggerating at all!). I should have lost more weight than I did, but figure I won't get released until I lose more, so there is an upside! In all reality, the food was delicious! There was just SO little to go around. At least for a big girl like me. I need sustenance. But, as much as I was more-than-hungry (which sounds better than starving) at camp, I am happy for the awesome stories the lack of food has provided, hehe. Ask me sometime about the brownies!
* I'm amazed at how often people who have never been to this form of girls camp (aka. my level leader Lisa and I) get asked our opinions on what should happen next or are expected to know how everything went the year before. It was SO funny! I think our tag line that week was "I don't know." If I had been thinking, I would have made us shirts. By the end of the week I just started making things up. I know, naughty. But it was a lot of fun. I suppose we were just so awesome at the "fake it 'til you make it" thing that people really thought we knew what we were doing!
* Speaking of awesome, I have a new name. Sister Awesome. And that's not because I'm awesome but because I use the word SOOOOOO often. It drove some of my YCLs crazy, but became a joke by the end of camp. My co-hort in crime was Sister Fabulous. But hers was because she really is Fabulous! (Okay... and because that was her "buzz" word for the week.) Some of my other leader friends became Sister Cool and Sister Dude... though Sister Dude would like to be renamed. lol.
* Camp allows people to be themselves in ways you'd never imagine. Not myself. I'm always crazy so there was nothing new except the girls had the chance to see me ALL the time. I warned them, but apparently they didn't believe me! They do now, hehehe. But really I'm speaking more about getting to know my girls better. I LOVED watching them bloom and open up. Girls I thought were quiet and reserved are actually quite animated and fun! My favorite transformation was EK. I'd always known her to be so quiet! I don't think I'd heard a full sentence out of her before camp. And then, suddenly she is this crazy (in a good way), outgoing YCL who is the life of the party! I LOVED it! I could go on and on mentioning all my girls and they way they've blossomed, but I don't have room here. But I hope they know I was watching (in a non-creepy way) and that I enjoyed being a part of their camp experience. I feel SO incredibly blessed to have been there and to have seen this transformation.
* On a not-so-happy side note, I don't think this "transformation" will hold back in the "real" world. I've already seen some of my girls return to their quiet camouflage. In truth, it makes me sad. I think camp is how the world would be if we didn't always feel like we were being judged. We'd be more open and more able to be ourselves. I hope we can create more experiences soon that allow our YW the same freedom to be themselves as they had at camp. Regardless, my girls are AMAZING, AWESOME, TALENTED and oh so loved by SO many leaders, parents, and friends.
* Certifications seemed to be more for me than for the YW. Although they were the ones getting signed off on everything, I feel like I learned the most. This time around first aid, fire building, knife care/sharpening, and finding my way seemed to mean SO much more to me than when I was a youth. I realized I DON'T know how to treat someone in shock (and probably still don't... need to keep practicing that one). I don't know how to do the Heimlich (called something else now). And I don't know what to do in emergencies besides call 9-1-1, which is extremely difficult in a place where there is no cell phone reception. And yet, I was caring for 27 girls who could, at any moment, need me for any number of emergencies. I'm grateful for Sister Geurts, our camp nurse, on whom I could rely for great information and fast action when I needed her. I LOVED getting to know her better and appreciate the opportunity to ride up to and back from camp with her. She ROCKS! I also learned how to find north from the North Star and the Sun. Duh! But I didn't ever get it. Thanks to the amazing Sister Seamen for teaching not just the Level 2 girls, but me, how to find my way when I get lost!
* Never underestimate the power of the Spirit. I didn't feel like our girls were getting enough of the Spirit at camp. The first few days were all about certify, certify, certify and the only moments we really discussed the Lord were during morning and evening devotionals. It wasn't until Thursday that we had an AMAZING impromptu devotional from our stake YW president that the Spirit was strong. And it just kept building through meetings, devotionals, and bishop firesides until culminating in a POWERFUL testimony meeting. There I learned that girls were gaining testimonies of scripture study all week and that lives had been changed through the devotionals we'd been holding. Our Father LOVES His daughters and He will not allow our weaknesses to keep those girls from knowing Him. The only one that prevent that is the individual. As long as His daughters seek Him, He will always be found.
* Our YW are enduring trials that make me shake in my boots. I could not believe what I was hearing during testimony meeting. Stories of personal tragedy, death of parents and loved ones, divorce and more. And yet, through it all, these girls testified that they knew God loved them. They spoke on the importance of scriptures, forever families, camp, church, and the Spirit. They shared over coming the negative influence of friends or the tests of the adversary. I cried and could not stop crying. My heart broke for so many. My soul cried out, "I know your pain!" I wanted to hold them all and tell them they were not alone. But I believe they already know that. They know their Savior and they are trying to live worthy of having His spirit to be with them. It was/is I who needs to be reminded that I am not alone, and these girls exemplify that.
* Camp, regardless of the format, can be the means of mighty transformation in the lives and hearts of the young women and their leaders. It provides and opportunity to take a break from the world and commune with nature... commune with God. When the beeps and rings and streaming music is silenced, they... WE... can finally hear the sweet whisperings of the Spirit. We can feel the peace of God's love instead of the vibrating of an inpatient phone. I need to make more opportunities to step away from the fast lane of life and, instead, enjoy the meandering back roads of nature.
* The Lord really does provide a way. "For I know that the Lord giveth no commandment unto the children of men save he shall prepare a way for them." To me this has come in the form of other leaders and friends. I gained a new appreciation for the other leaders at camp. I developed bonds with women I would never have given a chance. I learned from them, was edified by them. Some days I feel like the Grinch whose heart grew ten sizes! Except mine has grown a hundred sizes and threatens to burst within my chest. I love my fellow YW leaders SO much. I lean on them. I need them. They have kept me going when I wanted to stop. They have picked me up when I have fallen. They hold me when I need to cry or laugh with me until the rooster crows. They support me instead of judge me and love me when I can't seem to love myself. Oh my goodness I am SO blessed! I call each of you... my co-horts and friends... each of you my miracle. I am grateful to you, whether near or far, for sticking with me and loving me. This journey would not be the same without you. It would not be worth it without you. The grandest vistas in the world are not as great if you have no one to share them with. At least, that is how I feel.

So camp made me cry, made me hungry, made me dirty and, sometimes, frustrated. However, the not-so-greats are already fading and all I can remember from camp are the awesome moments with the young women I adore (more than life), the women I love with my whole soul, and the Lord who, despite myself, loves me still.

Prepping for Girls Camp: T-Shirts (Project 1)

2010-06-21T15:31:00.000-04:00

So most of my waking hours for the past few months have been spent thinking and stressing about girls camp (which is next week!). I was asked on the ward level to head up the projects for camp, which I was SUPER excited about... obviously because I didn't realize the time commitment and planning involved. In addition to ward stuff, I was also called on the stake level to be what they call a "level leader assistant." Out here they don't camp as wards. Instead, they group the girls by their age groups and call various adults to chaperon. The whole system is completely different than anything I've seen before so I've been struggling through a huge learning curve. Add a pinch of my current crazy state and that equals several months of Joe talking me into not running away to Africa.

Anyway, we finally had our camp prep activity last Tuesday. After all my worry and fretting and planning and re-planning each piece, I am SO happy to report that all went smoothly and the projects turned out better than expected.

Our camp theme this year is "Fully Rely on God" or FROG. So we decided to create shirts for the girls for camp. Easy enough, right? Not for yours truly. I think I just think things to death. For example... t-shirt vendor: cost vs. shipping vs. availability vs. opaqueness vs. durability vs. cost again vs. cut and so on. I spent FOREVER weighing all the options before choosing the shirts and vendor. Actually, I finally had to make a choice about two weeks ago because our activity was last week. Leave it to me for last minute! Luckily the shirt vendor is FAST. Delivery in one day!

Next (or I should say concurrently) I had determine a layout. What did we want on the shirt? I figured the basic idea out pretty quickly because I found a shirt I really liked and decided to copy.

I am known for my scraplifting! But, of course, the design wasn't "perfect" so I dilly-dallied around making all sorts of options. This also took time and energy and stressing. Would the girls like it? Is it cute? Does is portray the right message? What if I changed x, y or z? I know. I wish there was an off button too. Again at the last minute I finally sent a few of my favorite options out to the group and received their feedback. We settled on a frog inside a "funktified" crown (thanks for the design idea, Annie!). And I LOVED how it turned out!

Another decision in the process was applying the design to the shirt. Do I use a stencil, an iron one, markers, paint, spray paint, etc. TOO MANY OPTIONS for me, lol. I finally settled on creating my own stencil so I could use the custom design I made. This meant tracing my design onto sheer fabric and then painting around it using mod podge. The idea is that when the glue dries, the paint will go through the sheer only where your design is located. I made 4 stencils (so we could get all the shirts done in one night), each one taking about 1 to 1.5 hours to paint. Thank you Sarah for your help!!!! (Because of course I waited until Tuesday morning to finish 3 of the 4 stencils).

And I couldn't make it simple. Nope, that would be too easy. So my design incorporated 4 different colors! I'm crazy but, then again, we already established that.

Needless to say I was a wreck pre-activity. I had tried and tested everything at home, including paint order, to make sure we could get the girls in and out of the t-shirt station as quickly as possible. However, I shouldn't have worried one bit. I had my co-leaders Tara and Teresa rocking it out in the kitchen. They were amazing! And the girls loved how the shirts turned out, which was a huge relief to me!

Now that I've tried out the process, my mind is all ready back ordered on all the future t-shirts I'm going to create with my home-made "silk screening" process!

Tune in after camp for Journeys (Project 2). I'd share with you now but there are a few surprises that I don't want to spoil for any girls that might see this post!

First Trip to the D.C. Temple

2010-06-11T13:04:00.000-04:00

Last Wednesday (6/9/10) I had the opportunity visit the D.C. temple with our ward youth to do baptisms. The night was super special because it was not only my first trip to the temple, but because we also had a record amount of youth attend. 30+ between the YM and YW!!! I almost didn't go because I had been sick all day, but I am so glad I did. It was super special to watch "my girls" be baptized for the dead, some for the first time. I loved the reverence and respect they showed while in the house of the Lord.

Spires from the freeway.

Up close and personal.

I was told this is one of two temples that has an angel Moroni who is holding the golden plates. All the others have an angel Moroni who has both hands on the trumpet.

In D.C. we provide ALL the necessary priesthood holders. It was neat to see fathers baptise daughter or son, mothers assist their girls in and out of the font, fathers confirm their children, and all of us completing the work for a family in the ward. One cool moment was when father baptized son for and in behalf of a relative. The spirit was strong. I hope the girls recognized and felt it.

We ended up being at the temple from 730p to almost 10pm because we had so many youth participating. Afterward, I grabbed a couple of pictures to commemorate the evening. The girls whined for a second (someday they'll understand the importance of so many pictures), but easily obliged me when I told them it was my first time there.

Most of our YW. Aren't they super adorable!

A set of sisters (whom I LOVE). The younger is in MiaMaids with me!

Another set of my girls. Three of the four are in MiaMaids and the other is an honorary class mate. It doesn't really matter, though, who is in my class and who isn't. They all can claim a piece of my heart.

I really do love my calling in the Young Women program. The girls are amazing, wonderful, fabulous, beautiful and every other good word found in the dictionary. I am learning much from them and am grateful for their example and support. I'm glad I didn't miss that night and I look forward to many more temple trips, both with them and on my own!

In the Dog House

2010-06-11T12:42:00.003-04:00

With our tax returns we decided to get a new kennel for Josser since his Highness decided to get too big for his last one. Who ever thought our little puppy would grow to be this big (70+ lbs)? At least now he has his own personal Hilton with tons of room. How much room, you ask? Well... check it out!

Looks like I have a great new place to send Joe when he really makes me mad! Now only if I could find a door lock that Joe couldn't get undone. Hehe.

9 Years!!!

2010-06-09T17:12:00.002-04:00

Monday Joe and I celebrated our 9-year Anniversary! I still can't believe it. Where has all the time gone? I guess the old adage is true, "time flies when you're having fun." Recently the thought has been bouncing around in my head that Joe rescued me 9 years ago. He didn't know. I didn't know. But it is the truth.

He rescued me from sadness as he is my eternal sunshine. He even sings when I'm really sad!!! (Think Barry Manilow... "I feel sad when you're sad. I feel glad when you're glad!")

He rescued me from boredom. I never know what is going to happen when Joe is around. He may seem completely predictable... and sometimes he is... but I am never bored. I LOVE my time with Joe, especially when he throws out cute little sayings like, "I'm just chillin' with my favorite chick." or "You're hair is beautiful and don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

He rescued me from myself. I'm always SUPER hard on myself and have extremely high expectations. Mercy doesn't apply to me (in my world) and neither does weakness. I must be strong at all times. Or at least that is what I tell myself. Joe keeps me real and grounded. He celebrates my "weaknesses" (not in the rubbing them in kinda of way, but in the I-love-you-for-a, b and c kinda way). He reminds me that I'm awesome and helps distract me when I get too philosophical.

He rescued me from a life without him. I know that seems silly. I never would have known what I was missing if we'd never met. But now that I know, I can't help but feel grateful that we found each other and that he picked me. Marriage has been hard at times. Some days I've wondered what we were thinking. But it only takes being near him to know exactly what we were thinking. Our lives have become more together than they ever were apart. I have been strengthened, edified, challenged (which I love, hehe), and transformed into a slightly better person because of our relationship. I am blessed to know my Joseph and to be loved by him. I am so grateful for a Heavenly Father who doesn't always give us what we want (aka... all the guys before Joe), but instead gives us what we need (aka Joe). In giving me what I needed, the Lord gave me what I wanted all along.

Thank you, my sweetheart, for filling my life with richness and adventure. I look forward to the many (MANY!) years I have to grow with you as we tackle this life together. You are the bestest in the whole world!!! I love you more than a million kit kat bars!

Below are some pics of us at the Natural History Museum in D.C. (taken on the iphone... I DISLIKE IMMENSELY camera batteries). We decided to save our shekels this year and do something new that was both fun and free.

Riding along in the automobile, my baby beside me at the wheel.

We're on our way, uh-hu uh-hu uh-hu uh-hu.

In front of the museum.

(Someday we'll hire a photographer to follow us around so we can get pics of the two of us together, lol).

The rotunda area as you first walk in. I like elephants.

LOVING the turtle! It was so cool!

This is supposed to be a T-Rex. I'm realizing the need for a flash.

A "good times" movie.

Joe and his dinosaurs. He LOVED visiting this museum!

View from above. These creatures must have been enormous. Since having Josser, I've learned the power of a tail. His is brutal. I can't imagine the pain (and death) associate with one of these pre-historic whips!

Bad picture but good looking man, hehe.

This was the biggest surprise... it's a ground sloth! I know it's sad that I get my info from kid movies, but I expected the sloth to be MUCH smaller. Like Josser on hind legs...

But they were actually bigger than a bear! Check out the claws on the one standing on its legs!

My fav... the mammoth. Don't know why I like it, I just do.

I couldn't resist! Joe was such a good sport!

This is the Hope Diamond. I was planning on playing all sorts of tricks on you but I couldn't get a decent picture with all the light. In reality, it's not as big as I had imagined. Not that I'd turn it down if some one wanted to give it to me. But I wouldn't be for stealing it either... but, then again, maybe that has more to do with my integrity than my lack of being impressed. **shrugs**

We left in the early afternoon to avoid rush hour and had a wonderful ride home, finished with a dinner at the cheesecake factory. I loved our relaxing day together. I doesn't really matter where we go as long as I get to be with Joe.

Memorial Day at the Lake

2010-06-01T08:31:00.000-04:00

This was our first Memorial Day away from family and friends. If still in Utah we would have found ourselves at Pineview with family or at the Lawson's for a BBQ or both. It's just a little weird figuring out what do to with ourselves when faced with creating new traditions. But I think we've found one that will last for Memorial Day!

Our friends the Calder's invited us up to Cunningham Falls State Park to spend the day with them and the Cechinis. They were awesome enough provide most of the food, all of the shade, and one of the best days ever. We BBQ'd, they swam, and we all went on a little hike at the end of the day (though I don't know I'll trust Chantel again when she tells me a hike is all flat, hehe, as the trail had some decent hills we had to climb). All in all, the day was awesome!

I discovered that I need to re-learn being in the outdoors all over again. Joe and I were spoiled in Utah. Anytime we camped or spent the day at the lake we either had someone else providing anything we needed (thanks Mom and Dad Burns!) or we had people we could borrow items from if we weren't traveling with the Burns Hilton (thank you other family and friends who took such good care of us!). Here, we don't necessarily have that luxury. For example, we arrived up at the lake without swim wear (duh), chairs, any shade-making umbrella, or even a blanket. Not to mention the little things like bug spray or toys (aka volleyball). I mean, really, what were we thinking? We weren't, lol. Thankfully our friends were so great as to share all of the above with us. I don't know what we'd do without them! Next year we'll be better prepared (I hope). And we've definitely started an inventory of all the items we'll need for future outdoor activities!

The scenery at Cunningham Falls Lake was SPECTACULAR! The temperature was a sweltering 90 degrees plus humidity so high we were breathing water, but the views and the company made it more than worth it! I loved hanging out on the grass near the beach and staring across the lake into the dense forest sheltering us. I felt so peaceful and protected. I think I've fallen in love (sorry Joe, hehe). Anyway, here are some snapshots of our time at the lake. These were all taken by my friend Chantel as our camera is on its way to extinction.

Owen is sitting in front and his dad, Austin, is in the back. I like this picture not only because these guys are in it, but because of the gorgeous treeline Chantel captured in the background.

Owen (in blue) playing Frisbee with Matt Cechini (black shirt) and his little brother, Soren (in red). This was one of the views from our blanket.

Everyone hiking to the falls. L to R: Austin, Soren, Matt, Annie, Owen, Debbie and Joe. Chantel is taking the pic.

Just an awesome pic of the forest. According to the signs along the trail, this forest is less than 100 years old. It was cut down for farming in the early 1900s until they realized that the hills were washing away without the trees. It was replanted and in 1930-something established as a forest preserve. Cool, huh?

I truly can't wait to return here. I may not be patient enough to wait until next Memorial Day! Thanks again, to the Calders and Cechinis, for such a wonderfully peaceful and fun holiday. You guys rock! And to all our family and friends in Utah, hope your holiday was as wonderful as ours. Love you!

Sewing Project: New Jean Skirt

2010-05-24T13:40:00.000-04:00

So I bought a cheap pair of jeans that I loved. Only problem is that I miss judged the size. They were too big! Instead of returning them (as I bought them in Utah and didn't realize my problem until I returned to Maryland), I decided to make a skirt out of them. I'm really trying to branch out from patterns and try a new things. I heard a great quote today... "Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep." I really want to be more creative... be willing to allow myself to make mistakes without thinking "OFF with her head!" every time I mess up. I'm glad this little project turned out. I still need to take it in a bit more, but you get the idea. And yes, it came with the paint splatter and I LOVE the raw edge.

Josser wanted to be featured with the skirt as well. Just like a kid... wants to be the center of everything. But he's so cute I thought I'd oblige. :)

Cathing Up: April 24... Stake Roseball

2010-05-24T13:27:00.002-04:00

Hold onto your chairs! This was the SECOND DANCE Joe has taken me to in less than a year! I know, I know. I was amazed as well! (Though I knew he always had it in him).

The roseball event out here is HUGE! They put tons of effort into this every year and even have a live Jazz band come play the music. This year's theme was 1940's USO, which was neat because they encouraged all the military persons to come dressed in uniform. We have tons of military personnel in the stake and they all came dressed to the nine. I LOVED it! The music was fun and I was surprised at how many amazing dancers we have!!! Seriously. This wasn't your "swing side to side and turn in a circle" kind of dancing. Couples were fox trotting, waltzing, and "other dance names I don't know"-ing around the floor. I've decided that Joe and I will definitely need some dance classes before next year! Here are a couple of pics from the evening. I didn't take a lot as I was SOOO not feeling well (the beginning stages of the plague), but I did have a nice evening with wonderful friends.

L to R: Annie Cechini, Chantel Calder, Debbie Burns (me)

Annie, Chantel and another friend of theirs played the part of the Sanderson Sisters for the evening and they rocked it! I especially loved their Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy!

Annie drew all the artwork for the evening, including a photo-realistic drawing of the famous "Kiss in Times Square" photograph. Joe was a good sport and provided me my own kiss to remember! I think we totally nailed the pose. Thanks, Chantel, for catching this one on camera!

Catching Up: April 23... Burns Boys Visit

2010-05-24T13:11:00.001-04:00

So Jimmy and Jake came for a VERY short visit back on the 23rd of April. They actually flew in around 11p on Thursday, April 22 and then left before the butt crack of dawn on Saturday, April 24 to drive our truck back to Utah. We appreciate their sacrafice in driving the truck back across the country so we could get it sold. Thanks guys! And thank you to your wives for sharing you with us... even if we only had you for about 24 hours.

Even though time was so short, we decided to make the best of it with a quick trip to D.C. (I LOVE that we live in the coolest place ever!)

(L to R): Jimmy, Jake and Joe waiting for the metro. Jimmy is the oldest of the boys and then Joe and then Jake is the youngest. They have sisters that land on either end of the set (not pictured here).

Infront of the National Archives. We didn't get a chance to go inside, but I thought it made a good photo opp.

On the national mall with the capital building in the background. There were crews out setting up for a huge Earth Day bash.

Jimmy, Joe and I headed toward the Washington Monument.

A couple of shots of the WWII monument. Doesn't look very cool in the photos, but I promise it is gorgeous in person.

I loved being able to see Joe hang out with his brothers (so glad they let me tag along!). I could tell he was super happy. As much as he pretends to be strong, I know he misses these guys. I can't wait for Jimmy and Marla to come in August!

Catching Up: April 1-April 8... Happy Birthday to ME

2010-05-04T12:49:00.001-04:00

For my birthday the girls decided to let me pick anywhere I wanted to go. I chose the National Zoo. I'm not sure if it's the animals or the way it makes me feel like a little kid again, but I love the zoo! We stopped for carrot cake on the way over (haha... take that Joe!) in honor of my birthday and then strolled through the park. I love that the National Zoo is free and is filled with some great exhibits. It's not huge, but it is quality. I saw some of my favorites (orangutans and tigers) and some new friends as well (prairie dogs and panda bears).

Tina and Hanna... rarr!

Actual Panda bear! He looks like a guy in a suit, but it's the real deal. It was cool. Don't think I've ever seen a panda up close and personal before.

An old friend.

Just for Joe... my tiger reincarnated as a man.

Love this one. Reminds me of Josser.

Another Lioness.

So cute!

After the Zoo (and a LONG walk back to the metro... someone like me should never try to introduce "short cuts") we headed home so Tina could fix me a special birthday dinner. It was YUMMY! I loved it. We had some type of new chicken using cooking sherry (a first), homemade garlic mashed potatoes (a first), steamed asparagus (a first) and cheesecake for dessert (a classic). I LOVED dinner and was super excited to try so many new things. Thanks, Tina! Love the food and the recipes!

Thursday morning was relaxed as the girls got ready to head back to Utah. I am SOOO glad they came to visit and enjoyed every moment I had with them. Thanks, ladies! I can't wait for the next one! Florida... right Hanna?

Catching Up: April 1-April 8... Harper's Ferry

2010-05-04T12:35:00.002-04:00

Tuesday, THANKFULLY, was driving day. I took the girls (as Joe was more than happy to be at work... too much walking for him over the weekend) and we drove over to Harper's Ferry in West Virginia. While it was THE armory for the nation for a spell, the real reason we visited there was because a) it was close and b) it was in West Virginia. Hanna was on a mission while visiting to get to as many states as possible. Harper's fit the bill and so away we went. It actually turned out to be a VERY adorable, neigh, gorgeous piece of history with beautiful vistas. We had lunch at a little inn on the main street that overlooked the old part of town and the rivers. It was wonderful! I'm actually really excited to take Joe back there for some much needed R&R. It looks like a fabulous place for strolling or hiking, which ever suits your fancy. I also saw people in swim suits so there must be a place for swimming somewhere around there.

Our view from where we ate lunch.

As it was a day for adventure, I decided to get my palm read to find out what "all the fuss" with psychics is about. I will admit that being a fan of The Mentalist "ruined" it for me. I could tell she was probing for information and found some of her answers to be so general they would fit almost anyone. She got some things right and others things WAY wrong, lol. It was a good experience for me as it removed the "mystery" of palm reading and reminded me that my best source for "future telling" is God. Who better to tell me my future than the One making it happen?

After my little adventure we went shopping at some the boutiques and then poked around the "historic" part of town. I think the whole place is historic, but what do I know.

In honor of Hanna's mission we headed down to Leesburg, VA in order to cross Virgina off her list. It was another quaint town with antique shops and the like. My favorite part was Baskin Robbins. Nothing like some good ole' ice cream on a VERY hot day!

I was grateful for a respite from walking and enjoyed the scenic drive with friends.

Catching Up: April 1-April 8... Capital Building

2010-05-04T12:22:00.002-04:00

Monday was our tour of the Capital Building along with a ton more walking (which by know you should notice as the theme of this trip... WALKING a TON!). We spent the morning at the American History Museum checking out the Star Spangled Banner exhibit (SO COOL and a must see), the First Ladies exhibit (interesting) and the War Exhibit (also worth seeing).

Hanna in front of the museum.

Seriously love the S.S.B. The ACTUAL flag that inspired our national anthem is on display there. Magnificent and over powering. Interesting to note is that this all surrounded the war of 1812. The British (for a reason I cannot recall) had declared war on us again. Probably still bent out of shape after losing to us in 1776. Anyway, they had burned D.C. to the ground in hopes to break our moral as a fledgling country. Instead, they incited us to band together and fight more fiercely. After D.C. fell (or perhaps in tandem... I don't recall so check with a history buff), they moved onto Baltimore in hopes of securing the harbor. The British couldn't get close because the pesky Americans did crazy things like putting stakes in the water that would pierce approaching ships, so they bombed Fort McHenry. They actually used missiles too! Key was in the hold of a British ship listening to the battle all night and into the next morning. As the smoke cleared he saw the huge American Flag, tattered and worn, but still waving above Fort McHenry--an indication that we had maintained the fort and the harbor. It was a HUGE victory by the Americans. He was inspired and, after seeing the flag myself, I could not help but be inspired as well. It's interesting to me that we as Americans bind together when threatened or attached rather than falling apart. The British burned D.C. and we rose to chase them from our shores. Terrorists took down the Twin Towers and we knit our hearts together for the victims and sent our troops to war. We don't back down. We don't fall apart. We stand together, united. The only sad part is that our unification wains in times of prosperity. Anyway, I digress. The exhibit was powerful and, in my mind, a must see.

After the American History Museum we raced up to the Capital for our tour. Like I said, on a map it seems small but in RL the walk/run took us over 30 minutes. Pure craziness! But we made it and had a very nice, private tour of the building with fun facts and an "insider" perspective from the intern who took us around. I thought the capital fun to see, but wouldn't have missed it if not given the chance to go. Lots of paintings and statues and interesting facts.

Lady Liberty. A replica of the statue that stands on top of the building. I thought she was cool.

Though it looks carved, this is actually hand painted (as are all the reliefs in the building).

Pelosi's cave. Fitting. (Take that however you want.)

George Washington painted as a Greek god on the ceiling of the rotunda. Read up on this one. Interesting!

Martin Luther King, Jr.

Hanna and Tina.

More of the rotunda. Like I said, worth seeing once... maybe.

After the tour (which lasted 3 hours!), headed back to the Holocaust Museum (which is across the street from the American History Museum). This time we were smart and took the metro. Well worth it! I LOVE this museum. I didn't take any pictures (I don't think they are allowed). Even if they were, I wouldn't have taken any as I was so immersed in the exhibits. This is a MUST SEE. Well done, in depth, and gives views of this time in history that don't always see. I loved how personal it felt. I loved how personal they made it. I won't do it justice with words, so I'll just encourage anyone that comes out this way to make the time to see this museum. It requires tickets, so grab those in advance at https://tix.cnptix.com/tix/ushmm?eventid=21322. You'll be glad you did!

Catching Up: April 1-April 8... Philly

2010-05-04T11:56:00.001-04:00

Sunday we made a day trip to Philadelphia (Philly). The drive was nice (it beat walking, hehe!) and I was surprised at the small town feel the historic district had even though it was nestled in the center of a sprawling metropolis. We were even able to find FREE parking (and out here that is a win in and of itself).

I like Philly. I like the feel and the history it had to offer. And for an architecture lover like myself, the buildings were AWESOME!!! I could live there (I think). Maybe just get a vacation home after I win the lottery without ever buying a ticket, hehe). We saw as much as we could while in town: Independence Hall (where constitution was signed), Liberty Bell, Senate Building, Philly Mint, Ben Franklin Home/Museum/Grave, and Betsy Ross's place. And though Ben and Betsy were pretty uninspiring, the rest was fabulous! I especially loved our tour guide for Independence Hall. His energy and excitement over history was captivating... he would make one heck of a history teacher!

The mint building (where coins are made and distributed to the country)

Benjamin Franklin's grave. What is it with people and throwing money onto graves and in fountains?

Ben's graveyard. I thought it looked cool.

Joe with Independence Hall in the background. It's the little building just to the right of his head.

A closer shot of the hall with me.

Stopping for lunch. Joe should NOT be allowed to have the camera. But seeing as how he has threatened to break into this blog and post worse pictures, I am voluntarily posting this one that he took. There! You are not allowed to do any more damage Mr. Joseph!

The back sick of Independence Hall. It wasn't always named thus, but once it was the name sure stuck. Don't ask me the original name because I forgot. What I didn't forget is that they actually started tearing down this building in the early 1800's with plans to build a "newer, bigger building." Then the war of 1812 started and they never got around to tearing the rest down. By the late 1800s they decided to keep the building (it being historic and all with the signing of the constitution and such) and so added back they two wings they had original demolished. Phew!

And for the movie buffs out there, here is a shot of the location where Ben Gates found Ben Franklin's secret spy glasses. Had to include it!

Inside waiting for out tour to begin.

Hanna (left) and Tina (right). Good times!

Our oh-so-awesome tour guide. Seriously... if you can, get a tour from this man! (I think his name was Mike... but I could be wrong).

I love this girl!

The room where treason became a nation.

That black cane on the desk actually belonged to Thomas Jefferson. His hand touched it! Hehe

George Washington sat in that exact chair and the books on the table belonged to John Hancock.

This room held the first congress.

And this one held the first senate.

And last but not least is the Liberty Bell... so NOT like National Treasure 2. I am learning that as long as you build BELIEVABLE fiction, the readers/viewers will go along with anything, regardless of reality.

After seeing all the awesome sites, we headed over to Jim's Steaks for the BEST Philly cheese steak EVER. Seriously, SOOOOOO good! After phillyng our tummies (hehe, get it, Philly... phillying, haha), we headed back to Maryland. Traffic was horrible on the way home, but we got back safe and sound. It was an awesome day in Philadelphia.

Catching Up: April 1-April 8... The Monuments

2010-05-04T11:32:00.002-04:00

Saturday we took the girls and Joe down to D.C. for a White House tour and anything else we could squeeze in. Let me tell you, it was a day of walking! While the National Mall (no this is not a store) may seem small on the map, it is HUGE. The White House tour was very interesting and I recommend it to any that can get tickets (via your state congress person). It's not long and it's self guided, but a great opportunity to see the place where our presidents have resided and hosted dignitaries for centuries. I appreciated that the while the president is allowed to redecorate the family space, he has NO SAY in what happens on the main floor. Based on some of the china choices I am SO GLAD certain First Ladies were denied the opportunity to add their "personal touch" to the more historic parts of the home. And speaking of china... does anyone else find it completely retarded that each first lady gets to order a brand new set of full service china for the four years her husband is in office? I know it's pocket change compared to the rest of the government's budget, but the stupidity has to stop somewhere! The president makes 400K per year... let him pay for the damn china! Ranting over. Unfortunately no cameras are allowed inside so no pics of the white house tour.

After the White House we decided to see all the major monuments. It was insane, not only for the length of the walk, but because it was also the Cherry Blossom Festival which made the sidewalks and streets more crammed than Disney Land in July. Nightmare! Beautiful... but nightmare. Eventually we made it all around the monument side of the mall and were able to see the Washington, Jefferson, FDR and Lincoln monuments. And while the W, J and L monuments might be the most famous and recognized, I must say I fell in love with FDR, especially in the spring. It was more like a marble garden than the "god-like" monuments of the rest. It sprawls next to the Tidal basin and is full of the cherry blossom trees and running waterfalls. Breathtaking. (But alas, no pics...I don't know WHAT I was thinking!)

But here's what I do have...

Hanna and I by the Washington monument.

Joe and I at the Jefferson monument.

A great shot of the FDR monument (courtesy of Hanna)!

Joe at the Lincoln monument.

I hope you know this one.

Do we look tired? Because we ARE! All that walking... all those crowds... by the time we saw Lincoln I was ready to be home, hehe.

Catching Up: April 1-April 8... Baltimore

2010-05-04T11:17:00.001-04:00

So I arrived home from Utah on March 30 and had a day to prep my house for visitors on April 1. My awesome friends, Tina and Hanna S., came to visit me during Hanna's spring break. They kept me hopping, but it was WONDERFUL. I love visitors (especially these two) because it forces me to get out and see all the sites around me.

They arrived late on Thursday so we slept in a bit on Friday and then journeyed out to Baltimore-Inner Harbor. We visited the Visionary Art Museum and strolled around the harbor, including Fells Point. The Water Taxi was a great way to get around and allowed us to see more of the harbor than one can from the shore. All in all, it was a fantastic day! And I was smart enough to wear some sunscreen so I didn't get too badly burned, yippee!

Some pics of the are museum...

Hanna at the entrance.

Ridin' along in our automobile.

Ginormous chess set. I think it was supposed to be angles and demons as the silver set is adorned with halos. Above this is a triptych of the creation as found in genesis (sorry... pics didn't turn out of that one).

There was TONS to see inside, all done by untrained artists using non-standard materials (like paint buckets, toothpicks, etc). I wouldn't say this museum is for everyone, but for lovers of unique and sometimes crazy art, this is definitely a stop for you.

Fells point is ADORABLE! Lots of old town buildings with boutiques and bars. Hanna lost her "formal wear virginity" here. Meaning this was the first time she had ever tried on fancy dresses before. It was fun (and funny... the girl kept blushing, hehe). Glad I could be there for her "first time"... wait... does that sound creepy?

A wonderful day trip for any interested in seeing Baltimore (which DOES have tons to offer despite... or in spite... not sure which.... of it's better known neighbor, Washington D.C.).

Catching Up: March 17-March30

2010-05-04T10:59:00.001-04:00

Spent a couple weeks in Utah to visit my grandfather. He health is declining and we don't know from one moment to the next if he is going to pull through. He's been battling a rare form of liver cancer as well as heart and gull bladder problems. I won't go into details but it is not good. Joe and I had discussed me flying back to see him as it might be my last/only chance, but it was "never a good time." Finally Joe came to me and said, "Enough. It will never be a good time. There will always be something you think you need to take care of. You're leaving Saturday. Done." Or something close to that, anyway. I didn't end up leaving on that Saturday (it was just too close), but I did leave for Utah the following Wednesday morning (what was I thinking with the crazy early flight?!). Thank you, Joe, for making me go. My time with Grandpa Porter was wonderful, amazing, and exactly what I needed. It was a slice of heaven filled with peace.

A lot happened while I was there and I wish I'd been better about blogging in the moment. (Those are usually better than these distant recaps.) I learned much about myself while I was there. It's a great place to think about life and ask the tough questions as my grandparents always seem to know where I can find the answers. I learned a lot about my grandparents too. It was like being a fly on the wall watching their cute exchanges and seeing them love and take care of each other. They really do, you know, love each other. The special looks and sweet kisses. The sacrificing they do for the other. It was beautiful to watch and to be a part of.

I only had one picture taken while I was in town. Me and Grandpa. But it's on Grandma's camera so I don't have a copy yet. Need to convince someone to get it off and email it to me.

I also had the chance to visit all my brothers and sisters (Burns included!). It worked out wonderfully to stay with the grandparents the whole time and just hang out with each family on their own day. It gave me quality time with the siblings and nieces and nephews that I miss so much. I can't believe how much the children have grown! I miss them... lots. They are each so unique and wonderful. I realized during my visit that I don't miss Utah at all (good-bye forever brown desert!), but I miss the PEOPLE tremendously. My little heart aches.

Joe's family was so nice as to help us get Joe out for the weekend. He didn't get the same great visiting opportunities as I did because his time was so limited, but I am grateful for the chance he did have to see his family. He pretends to be strong, but I know he misses them.

I had to return to Maryland all too soon. I was conflicted, feeling like I needed more time but feeling the need to be home too. I am so grateful for the opportunity to visit and to see so many of my friends and family. Love you guys!

Resources Updated

2010-03-12T15:20:00.000-05:00

I appreciate all the sweet comments and awesome ideas from everyone. Thanks for your love and support. I decided that I should share my blessings as well as my complaints in transitioning to a new home. After this post I emailed one of my visiting teachers (an adorable college student who lives nearby) on a long shot. And guess what? She said yes! Turns out she's done some house/animal sitting in the past with large dogs and has no problems staying with Josser while we are out of town! WHAT A RELIEF! I don't think she'll ever know the burden she has lifted from Joe and I. I am also blessed with more wonderful friends who've offered their assistance as well, from visiting to taking Josser for walks. So, though I may still wonder where to get my groceries or who should cut Joe's hair (because he sure as h*** won't let me do it), I am at peace knowing that in the essentials I have many wonderful, amazing resources available to me through my friends. Thank you ladies! I love you a million kit kat bars!

I am grateful to the Lord for reminding me that He is my best resource and can provide anything that I need. And I am grateful for those who are willing to answer His call and to be instruments in His hands. Again, I love you! All of you... near and far!

Missing my resources from home

2010-03-11T15:24:00.000-05:00

It's funny how you take for granted the little things, like knowing the best grocery store or the right shop for car repairs. I have a whole list of "service providers" I took for granted while living in Utah. I knew where to go to get which item and the places to stay away from. It was easy. It made sense. Now I'm lost. I'm constantly flip flopping over Safeway or Giant (or should I be going to Wal-Mart?). I haven't found a car place yet I like and don't get me started on "trying on" doctors. I haven't even touched that one yet. Add to that the search for restaurants (italian, mexican, burgers, breakfast, etc), a great hair cutter, a store that sells in bulk (because honestly, the Costco out here sells organic, not big), movie theaters, clothing shops and any other daily need place and it seems too overwhelming sometimes. I've been able to find most of what I need through people in the ward, but it's different. It's the unknown and I am definitely out of my comfort zone.

Most recently--today, in fact--I was reminded again how much I miss the resources I had back home. I'm flying back later this month to visit and Joe will be joining me for the last few days of the trip. That leaves us with one ginormous puppy dog without any owners. In Utah I could turn to my vet. It was easy and inexpensive. I trusted them. They knew me and my Josser. They didn't care that he is "vocal" or a Pit Bull. But out here is a different story. We live where we live because it was the only place that would accept us with "that breed." And now I'm finding the same problem finding a temporary home for him. I'm crying now, having just hung up with what seemed like the perfect place for him (a million... almost... phone calls later), because once more he (and I) have been rejected because of his breed. And while I LOVE our new vet, they don't provide boarding services.

So, where do I go? How do I provide for Josser while we are gone? I haven't even begun to ask my friends yet... how can I push our 70 pound mass of muscle and craziness on them? They have pets and kids and a life. And Josser has special needs (any who know him could testify to that!). Maybe if I could leave him alone without the kennel I'd feel better. At least he'd have space to move around (like in a dog run). Then someone would only have to stop by twice a day to provide food, water and a potty break. But I can't leave without locking him up. He freaks (unfortunately my anxiety issues have rubbed off on him). He whines. He goes crazy. And I don't feel good about leaving him in a kennel for 20+ hours a day. So what is left? What do I do? I just don't know.

I do know I'm too tired to keep searching today. Maybe tomorrow will hold new answers.

Tired but Fruitful

2010-03-10T14:58:00.000-05:00

As I mentioned in my exercise review, I haven't been well. Sleep isn't working out and food does NOT love me anymore. But while I've been unable to be physically active, I have kept my mind busy at work developing publicity material for an upcoming stake RS event. It felt good to use those skills again and made me grateful for the time I spent at the RSB honing those skills. I discovered that, EVENTUALLY, everything does work together for our greater good.

Here are a couple of jpegs of the poster & flyer I created for the event. I'm happy with them (and please note these are drafts only). I also created a matching background for a blog we may or may not be using (waiting for approval). But feel free to check it out at http://allworktogether.blogspot.com/.

Exercise Review Week 4 (3/1-3/6)

2010-03-10T14:51:00.000-05:00

So I've decided to change the title seeing as how I'm having to adjust my C25k program due to weather and laziness. So now it will just be my Exercise Review!

Monday
35 min walking
36 oz of water

Tuesday
23 min C25k program (W3)
10 min walking
Full stretch routine
33.8 oz of water

Wednesday
20 min pilates (beginner)
Full strength routine
24 oz of water

Thursday
Nada
20 oz of water

Friday
Nada
50 oz of water

Saturday
Nothing
Didn't record water intake

Sleep is definitely reaking havoc with my emotions and my commitment to exercising. My sleep progressively got worse last week and I can see it in my daily activity and eating habits. I've GOT to get back to my schedule! I mentioned it last week, but now I am overwhelmed with the data that shows a direct correlation between good sleep and my increased ability to function. The upside is that I have been avoiding this post because I felt my performance last week was horrible but (after actually typing this out) I realized I didn't do so bad. 3 days of activity is more than pre-C25k.

This week I've been sick since Sunday. I think lunch today was my second meal in almost 3 days. So i'm going to continue to rest and hopefully jump back in to exercising/running next week. Oh! And I found some decent running shoes at Costco (thanks for the tip, Chantel!). They are WAY better than my 8-year-old tennis shoes I've been using for running.

Quick Goal Review for Week 5
1. Rest
2. Increase water intake back to the 48 oz per day
3. Love myself... forgive a week of being sick
4. Get back on my sleep schedule!

Coolest Sock Hop EVER!

2010-03-06T13:49:00.002-05:00

I wish I had chronicled this night just after it happened (back on February 27th). My mind seems to lose more and more info the older I get. Oh well! Better late than never, I suppose. It really was an awesome evening of live music, dancing, hoola hooping and limbo-ing. Costumes were optional so I was surprised at how many came dressed up! There were tons of poodle skirts and T-Birds walking around, including the little kids. Can I just say that poodle skirts on little toddler girls are ADORABLE!!! Even Joe and I attended in costume. For my skirt I chose a polka dot fabric instead of the traditional felt with poodle. I REALLY like how it turned out, especially considering I didn't use a pattern. Let's just call that one a learning experience! Joe wore his jeans, a white T and a leather jacket and blended right in with most of the guys, hehe. We should have taken a picture with all those guys being so matchy-matchy!

The live music was incredible! It was provided by talent from the ward and while most reminded me of the T-Birds singing cousins, one guy (Brother "C" I'll call him) looked just like a Beattle! Anyway, Joe danced every dance and spun me around the floor. It was a wonderful (even magical evening) that provided great entertainment to adults, youth and kids. Which, actually really surprised me. I'll be honest... when I first heard of the sock hop I was thinking adults only. When I found out the WHOLE family was invited I was a little disappointed thinking it wouldn't be as much fun. I am SO glad the activities committee proved me wrong. I don't think the evening would have been as wonderful without the youth and kids there. I loved watching daddies and daughters dance together and mommies and sons swing around the room. Like I said, a magical wonderful evening.

I didn't get a lot of pictures (should have changed out the batteries before we left!), but here are some I borrowed from friends who were better prepared than I.

The atmosphere in the gym was lively and fun. The activities committee really went above and beyond in creating a memorable evening.

The skirt! No pattern. No instructions. Just trial and error... and believe you me there was a LOT of error! But that's okay; it all worked out in the end and it was fun to try my hand at "free form" sewing.

The Cechinis and us. It was fun helping Annie make her poodle skirt (complete with Snoopy... SO cute!). Hers we did with a pattern. I've learned I'm MUCH better that way.

Upclose with the Cechinis (pronounced Chu-key-nee).

Chantel, Austin and Soren next to Sister McKay (whose coordinating outfit with her husband landed them as Best Dressed Couple... or would have if we had that division).

Chantel with her son Owen. Seriously amazing mom and woman!

This is the most awesomemest YW leader ever, Catherine, with her husband Brian. I am SO blessed to serve as the advisor under her for the Mia Maids. Not only is she wise, but she is a BLAST to be with. So far we've stayed outta trouble, but it's only a matter of time, hehe. We love this couple!!!

I won't mention names here because I don't know how they feel about it, but this is the family responsible for the rockin' awesome evening. Sister "She-who-shall-not-be-named-because-I-don't-know-if-I-can-and-not-because-she's-evil" and her committee put a lot of time and energy into pulling this off. I love that she incorporated EVERY age group so well. Instead of the running/screaming children like I've seen at ward activities in other places, kids were either dancing, participating in the games, or working on a HUGE marshmellow project in the back. Thanks TEAM for a wonderful ward activity!

Some of my beautiful and oh-so-wonderful young women. Altheda and Genevieve are sisters (cool names, huh!), and then is Rachel and far right is Kendra. I'm always amazed how much my heart grows to incorporate the new wonderful people in my life without having to let go of any of the old ones. My first set of young women are just as special to me as they were when I was serving them. I think about them on their birthdays (and almost every day) and, if possible, follow their lives via facebook and blogging. Now I have a new set of girls who fill my life with purpose and fulfillment. Their names have been added to my heart right next to the names of my original group. I hope all the girls I've ever served know how much I love them and that, no matter distance or time, they are always in my thoughts, my heart and my prayers.

This cute little guy belongs to my friend E. He SO wanted his picture taken and I was more than happy to oblige. He and his brothers each dressed up as a different movie character from the 1950s.

The limbo was fun with both an adult and kids division. Gabe can go CRAZY low (like SERIOUSLY low). Actually, there were several adults with limbo abilities I previously thought impossible. My camera konked out here, but the winner was Mitzy (ADORABLE!!!) with skills riviling the mysterious folding people.

I was sad that I didn't snag some pictures of the hoola hoop contest or the swing competition. But it was all good times. Really I'm just excited Joe and I went, that he agreed to dress up (and no... hell hasn't frozen over), and that he danced with me. We're working on making it less than 10 years before he takes me dancing again, lol.

Thanks, Joe, for being a good sport and for making the Sock Hop both memorable and the best ever! Love you babe!

C25K Review Week 3 (2/22-2/27)

2010-03-02T10:55:00.000-05:00

Monday
20.5 min C25K (week 2 skd)
28.5 min walking
Full stretch routine
64.9 oz of water

Tuesday
20 min pilates (beginner)
Full strength routine
72 oz of water

Wednesday
Walked every single aisle at Costco... does that count?
48 oz of water

Thursday
20 min pilates (buns & thighs)
Strenth routine
not enough water

Friday
20.5 min C25K program (week 2 skd)
5 min walking
Full stretch routine
40 oz of water

Saturday
20.5 min C25K program (week 2 skd)
19.5 min walking
Full stretch
not enough water

Discovered that running outside is SO different than running on a treadmill! My body felt like I was pushing a faster pace than in the gym (heavy breathing, exhaustion, etc), but it didn't feel like I was moving hardly at all. Weird! Need to make sure that at least one run each week is outdoors. Good news... my pants feel looser! Which is awesome. I can't say I was super successful eating healthy, but I think I improved. I also found out Costco has running shoes for $30. Need to check that out. And also reaffirmed that workign out with a friend is WAY better than going solo. Helps, too, that Marla and I report our daily actv to each other. Makes me feel more accountable.

My morning schedule has been slipping and I need to get back on track. Water intake was down and I felt it through dry skin and dryer lips. Ouch! Also discovered I need to do some instep strengthening to help with an old injury.

Quick Goal Review for Week 4
1. 3 days of the C to 5k program (week 3 schedule) w/stretching... at least one session outside
2. Pilates & strengthen on "off" days
3. 48 oz of water every day by dinner time (GET BACK ON TRACK!)
4. Healthier meal choices (cont'd)
5. Daily instep strengthening (yay for Annie's ballet techniques!

C25K Week 2 Review (2/15-2/20)

2010-02-22T10:05:00.001-05:00

Monday
Thought about exercising (again)
48+ oz of water

Tuesday
Ummm... nada
48+ oz of water

Wednesday
The nothing is getting a little redundant... starting to worry! Without clean sidewalks this exercising thing looks like its gonna crash and burn before I even get off the ground.
48+ oz of water

Thursday
20 min C25k program (week 1 version)
13 min walking
Full stretch/strengthen routine
48+ oz of water

Friday
20 min Pilates (buns & thighs... boy were they both burning!)
1/2 stretch/strengthen routine
48+ oz of water

Saturday
Back to nothing... but I did sew a skirt and started an apron!
24 oz of water

So a few notes from week 2. I started a mini journal and that has been awesome for tracking my movements and eating habits. Both of which aren't so good. The water intake has helped and my body can tell when I haven't gotten my 48oz. Weird, I know, but true. I'm even craving healthy food. Well... the body/stomach is craving healthy but my mouth hasn't let go of the goodies and sweets yet. I'm gonna have a "come to ??...er... your senses" meeting with my mouth over the intake situation. Stretching is still not happening as it should. Mostly I'm just lazy or I forget. The one day I did the routine 2 days in a row I ended up hurting myself. So I'm going to break apart the routine into stretches and strenthen exercises. Stretching absolutely needs to happend after running, so those will be on one day. On the off days I plan on continuing my strengthening routine for knee health. I think this will help. I'm also going to try and add pilates to the days I can't get outside to run. At least I'll be something! (Thanks, Erin, for the reminder that I have these DVDs, lol).

Upside of last week is that I wrote everything down, drank almost all my water, and put myself on a strict sleep regime! Writing down helps me feel accountable and I can see where the holes are in my planning and action. Right now too much is resting on the weather and I need to look for alternate indoor activities that don't need the gym. Wishing I had brought my Plyometrics DVD for a supplement!

So my plan this week? Continue with the water intake. Muy importante! I feel better and so do my lips as I drink, drink, drink. I'm going to re-write my meal plans for healthier choices. While I've been doing really well cooking at home (anyone who knows us knows we used to eat out 5-6 nights a week), I've had too much fun making REALLY unhealthy recipes. Not to mention the quick cookie batches multiple nights each week. All the butter and sugar is definitely catching up to my stomach! Pilates and strengthen routine on off days. And, hopefully, running 3 days this week (on the week 2 schedule even though I'm moving into week 3... this is due to the lack of consistency during the first 2 weeks). The snow is melting, but I hope it's enough to get out on the sidewalks. Both Josser and I need time outdoors!

Quick Goal Review for Week 3
1. 3 days of the C to 5k program (week 2 schedule) w/stretching
2. Pilates & strengthen on "off" days
3. 48 oz of water every day by dinner time (cont'd)
4. Healthier meal choices

* Found out running shoes are going to have to wait. Maybe for my birthday! JOE... HINT HINT, lol.

Sweet Valentines from Sweeter Family

2010-02-19T10:28:00.002-05:00

Joe and I received a WONDERFUL surprise for Valentine's Day this year. It was the perfect pick-me-up to a week of being snowed in. Cabin fever is high around the Burns' house, but these sweet valentine cards from the WX Burns family brought with them a breath of fresh air!

He really is my superstar! How did you know, Ashley? Love that it is a game too. That'll keep him busy for awhile. hehe

I am Princess Aunt Debbie whenever Ashley is around. Oops! I should say whenever Princess Ashley is around. One time, as we were planning a trip to California, Princess Ashley told me she was excited for she and I to go stay in the castle, but boys weren't allowed. "But, I need Joe to come with me!" I cried. And I believe she said, "Well... maybe he can come as a servant." I didn't argue with her, lol. Have to love those little girls!

All the handmade cards are perfect for decorating our otherwise naked dining room!

Up close and personal. I LOVE the hand written messages and personal drawings. Thanks, Marla, for doing this little project with the kids. We LOVE them!

C25K Week 1 Review (2/8-2/13)

2010-02-15T11:05:00.000-05:00

Monday
Thought about exercising

Tuesday
20 min Couch to 5k program
25 min Walking

Wednesday
Don't remember... I should REALLY write this stuff down!

Thursday
Nada enchilada

Friday
20 min Couch to 5k program
30 min walking
20 min shoveling

Saturday
Moved furniture

So a few notes from the first week. 1) I need to write everything down. I'm not keeping very good track of my movement or my eating. I think keeping a mini journal of my C-2-5K program will help in my success. 2) I need to drink more water and eat healthier. I didn't note water above because I don't think I'm drinking any which really goes back to note 1. 3) I haven't been stretching on my "off" days as I should. I need to make that an intengral part of my program to prevent injury and help build the support around my knee (I had 2 knee surgeries that I've never taken seriously as far as rebuilding strength and support. Wasn't that just supposed to happen without me doing anything?)

Upside of last week is that I managed to get 2 days of running in even with all this crazy snow! A shout out goes to my friend Chantel for getting me to the gym and graciously using some of her guest passes on my behalf. You rock, Chantel!

So my plan this week? Snow is still everywhere and the sidewalks are NOT clear. We can't afford a gym membership right now so that means running outside. The cheaper option is gonna be to get some thermals and hit the road. Maybe I could even find a large parking lot to use as a track. I'll have to figure that one out. My off days will consist of my stretching/strengthening routine. And while I may not be the best eater right now (one thing at a time, right?), I can add water to my routine. My goal is to drink 2 large glasses of water (which are 24 oz each) by dinner time each day. Anything after that will be a bonus!

Quick Goal Review for Week 2
1. 3 days of the C to 5k program
2. Stretch/strengthen on "off" days
3. 48 oz of water every day by dinner time
4. Foot analysis and research propper running shoes

Fresh Bagels!... that look like shrimp blush

2010-02-11T14:21:00.000-05:00

Ya. I meant to do that. LOL. I tried making fresh bagels today. Decided to stop whining and start untilizing my free time at home (on behalf of all those who wish they were in my shoes right now). So, I found a recipe and BAM!, got-er-done. Not bad for my first time! Lot's of steps, but it was easy. Mostly just hurrying up to wait. Anyway, here they are! (I only made 4... no sense wasting ingredients if my bagel attempt decided to explode in my face).

He said the trickiest part would be connecting the bagel ends and rolling it to look right. He wasn't kidding. I thought I did okay until I put them in the water (yep... you BOIL bagels before you bake them). Then they all broke open into shrimp-looking bagels.

My bagels taking a moment to dry before being transfered to the baking sheet.

And viola! Shrimp bagels! And no worries...

Because they taste AWESOME!

Still More Snow

2010-02-10T21:42:00.000-05:00

Yuck! I didn't think I'd get here, but I am way past officially sick of the snow. Maybe it's all the time indoors. Even though I don't usually utilize my option to go outside, at least I HAVE the option. Well... I HAD the option. Now there is no where to go. Wish I had purchased winter gear before the storm. Anyway, I'm bored at home checking facebook and blogger ever few minutes. I've watched movies galore, caught up on all my TV shows and have even started three different anime series to keep me entertained (though I'll admit the dishes still have been done and I am doing as little as possible in the cooking arena).

So I thought I would post. No pictures this time. Maybe tomorrow. I figured you must be getting sick of photo after photo of white stuff. Just take my last snow pictures and add another foot to them. That would be my pictures from today.

Joe tells me Maryland is in a state of emergency. Any unauthorized vehicles on the roads will be ticketed. D.C. is shut down. Our county is shut down. And I need to find something to do. So many options... maybe I'll start with taking another nap.